Merry Christmas from PGSD

All I want for Christmas is him?!

Here comes the obligatory in-my-feelings-girl-come-rescue-me post.

So its the holiday season and you are alone. Read: So its the holiday season and I am alone. 
Am I sad about this? No not really. Want to know why? I chose to be. 

Many menses have come a calling, but I am not really answering. Call it high standards, or indecisiveness. I call it the waiting game. I am sick of hearing friends stories of settling and their complaints about the guy they settled for, just so they could have a warm body next to them. Girl get a blanket. However, if my last situationship taught me anything, it is wait for something that feels right to you.

Part of the problem in my last situation, was me going along with something that didn't feel all the way right. He was a great guy don't get me wrong. He was flawed, as every man is, and eventually let his flaws do the proving his words couldn't that we just weren't ready/meant for each other. I allowed others to hype me up. Read: Mom and Friends (There is nothing worse than your mother approving of a guy you are on the fence about.) We had been friends for the longest, and were very hesitant about taking things to a new level. 

Here I am thinking that new level was going to be great for me and him. However, he thought it was a great level for me, him, her, and her. No. Nope. Not me. Not today.

Needless to say things went all the way left with that situation. Ending in several shouting matches and a single tear shed. I've never cried over a guy before. Crawled up in the fetal position and put on some Ne-Yo? Yes. Crying? Never. I just have never seen a man as irreplaceable  However, this guy I didn't think I would ever move past that betrayal.  Since then I've forgiven him, and like to think of the situation as a history class, long and drawn out, but never forgetting the lesson learned.

I say all of that to say, that I learned a lot about waiting for what is truly meant for you regardless of what anyone else thinks. That situation was an eye opener for me, that I will truly be ready to change that status, when it feels right to me, beyond anyone else's opinions or standards. So yes, its safe to assume that all I want for Christmas is 'him'. However, as in life, why look for 'him' in the past, when I can look forward to the 'him' of the future.

Contest Winner!

Congrats to our reader giveaway winner Kandis. We will be contacting you shortly about your prize. Thank you to everyone who participated. We will be doing this again soon. Be on the look out. 

Excuses are tools of the incompetent

Are you mature and honest enough to admit why you are single? You can go with the I haven't found the right person, I'm working on me, blah blah blah. No just no. There is some part of you that is wack and needs fixing. Find what part of you is undesirable and fix it. Or maybe you are setting your standards too high. Self honesty is often neglected and overlooked. This is not at all a read it is just to encourage you to be brutally honest. Its not fair to you if you continuously lie to yourself and use a bunch of cliches to justify the lies you have created in your head. Sometimes you are unapproachable, it could be your personality, maybe you're broke, busted, and disgusted. Maybe you attract people who are only interested in the physical because something about you that gives off the "I'm boring as hell" vibe. Tell the truth and find a way to fix it.

Bacon is love
Rev. Ash 

What if a dinosaur tripped you and you landed in a chickens money stash?

What if you stop saying “what if”? I’ve realized that we (because I sometimes do this as well) worry too much about things that we can’t control. Last time I checked we cannot predict the future, especially when others are involved. We can make different choice that may prevent certain situations from occurring but even that is not permanent. Lately friends who are worrying about things that they can’t control have been approaching me. “What if this…what if that,” “I don’t want this or that to happen”. These conversations are driving me crazy!

Due to my laid back mentality, it is very difficult for me to sit and listen to others woes about things that haven’t happened yet. So here’s my opinion on the things that have yet to come…

“I don’t want this to happen again. We’ve been through this before.”

The thing about cycles is that they will keep happening unless something changes. You don’t want it to happen again and yet you haven’t changed any of your actions. You don’t want things to change if you keep going about them the same way. Stop and look at what’s going on, reevaluate it, and go about it a different way.

“What if [insert nonsense here]”

What if it does happen? Are you going to stop living? Is your life going to say, “game over”? No! There’s never just one door. Things happen for a reason and it’s not so you can call me or that other friend you call with all your problems every time and cry until we get “disconnected”. Just kidding >_>. Seriously though life will get better. It’s all about your mentality. If you say today is going to be a shitty day…today will be shitty. There are a million reasons to smile. The best reason is that you woke up today. There are those who didn’t get that opportunity. What if you don’t wake up tomorrow? Are you content with what you have done? Don’t worry about tomorrow or yesterday. Worry about right now. “What if’s” are truly for the dead. I say this because if the only things you worry about are the things you cant control how can you live?

Please don’t rush life. Setting goals is one thing but only doing things that will help get you where you want to be won’t satisfy that emptiness inside you that was supposed to be filled with laughter and the smell of flowers. Stress is natural but not mandatory every minute. Breathe and have fun. I promise you will get where you’re going even if you stop and check out the scenery. Scouts honor. 

Devil in a New Dress

New Years Eve is quickly approaching and besides where to go a girls biggest decision is what to wear. Ive decided to help you out a bit. There are 3 categories of dresses: ballin on a budget for the fashionable yet budget conscious; work a little so you can ball a lot for those who have a few more ends to spend; and YOLO for those who swipe without looking at the price. Look around the sites I've linked and you might find something you like, but better suited to your budget and style.


Ballin on a budget
 Purchase here
This dress is sleek and impossibly sexy. For those not afraid to show a little skin you are sure to turn heads.

 Purchase here NYE is one of the few days of the year where you can wear full sequins without looking the fool. Take advantage and shine bright like a diamond.

Purchase here Let me tell you a contrast dress will create a shape where there are none. Turn those obtuse angles into some dangerous curves.

Work a little so you can ball a lot

Purchase here This dress covers a bit more, but has a gorgeous silhouette  and with the right accessories gives elegance and eleganza.

Purchase here After Labor Day be damned. Holiday chic and flawless cut? Get you Olivia Pope on and rock white.

Purchase here Cunt Fish. Bad Bitch

 Purchase here Soft, romantic textures with a touch of shine. Just say yes

YOLO

 Purchase here Ole nasty piece of sequin ball gown.

 Purchase here I love sequins dammit

 Purchase here Leather realness

Good luck and happy hunting!

Unique to Say the Least.

Its the time of year again. What can I get beside the matching scarf and gloves set? We always have difficulties when it comes to buying presents. Stop thinking inside the box and take a look out. Here are a few gift ideas I've come across that will be great for someone with a sense of humor or for the person who has everything. I bet you they dont have these gifts.

This is for the drinker in your family or the friend who is always ready for the next round. The DCI XL glass comes in wine, champagne, and beer size. These glasses hold entires bottles of your favorite alcoholic beverage. Sounds like a party starter (or ender) to me. On Amazon you can get them for about $10.

Booty butt cheeks! Know someone who loves to paint their nails? I bet they don't have nail polish bottles shaped like some nice ASSets. Thanks to SuperBooty, LLC you can purchase the Bootie Babe polish line. "Red Riding Rump," "Hella Hiney," and "Loose Caboose" are the polishes photoed above. Each bottle is $12. 

This right here is my favorite! When I was little I used to always put my hand to my ear and pretend as if I was talking on the phone. Hi-Call allows you to really talk to people using that same hand gesture with this glove. Thanks to bluetooth technology you can wirelessly connect your cell phone to the glove and talk through your hand. How cool! It will cost about $65.

This may not be a good gift for someone else but you might like this. I know I do. If you just got a new place and are not really into decorating but you will be having company around the holidays, heres the perfect solution. A collapsible Christmas tree is a easy way to spruce up your living room. Its already decorated and comes in a carrying case. It seems to be the new thing, so you should be able to find one easily and prices range from low to high. 

Vino2Go brings you the wine sippy cup! This is epic. So epic they've sold old in many places so it will take a little searching to find these babies. It makes transporting of wine easier...which I do believe is illegal, at least in Illinois. I think it makes the floor, especially carpet, a lot cleaner during this time of year. Theses are definitely a step up from children's sippy cups. About $15 per cup.

I hope this helped your gifting ideas. If not at least you got to see some interesting things that are out there. Happy Holiday!

I Didn't Know I Was a Fish

Catfish. When I first saw the previews for the MTV docu-series, I told myself that I wouldn’t watch it. There was no way in hell that I was going to actually watch a show about fish. Then I heard the premise of the show: introduce people who have been in online relationships to one another in person. Still, I said that’s dumb, I won’t do it. Despite myself, I found myself watching the very first episode. Then I watched the second, third, and so on. What makes the show engrossing, I have no idea, especially since its formula, thus far, has been the same: a lovesick man/woman reaches out to Nev about how in love he/she is with somebody they’ve had an online affair with for like a year or so, Nev Skypes them to talk about the person of their affection, then he and Max, the camera guy, fly out to visit this person. The episode’s central problem generally stems from some mysterious reason why the two people haven’t met or even Skyped one another. The episode culminates in a disappointing meeting, where the other person is not who they said they were. Later on the two people meet and talk, but ultimately, the decision is that it’s not going to work, that the affection they once shared is no longer the same.

At first I thought this was humorous. That a person could place another person whom they never met or interacted with face-to-face on such a high pedestal, and even go so far as to proclaim being in love, was comical and ridiculous to me. I guess that’s the cynic in me. But what’s even more hilarious is how utterly disappointed the person is when they discover that the face they always attached to the person they were talking to isn’t actually theirs. It’s hilarious for different reasons that are embedded in their paradoxes. The first is that the unconditional love that they seem to share is actually proven to be conditioned by the fact that their love suddenly disappears because their “love” doesn’t have the same face. The second is that the “catfish,” the pretender, actually believed that they had formed something genuine despite the fact that they passed a face that doesn’t belong to them as their own, thus, creating a foundation of deceit. But what is probably the most hilarious aspect of all of this is the other person unintentionally involved—the one whose face has been claimed by some self-conscious person in some obscure state like Montana.

Imagine channel surfing, passing by MTV and being startled by the image of you on the screen. Next to it, however, is someone else’s name. Surprised, almost to the point of stupidity, you run to the nearest mirror to make sure that your face is actually YOUR face. Then you log on to your Facebook account to check your pictures and holding your computer screen up next to your television, you confirm that your Facebook profile picture has indeed been re-represented as The Catfish.

Before Catfish, the movie and TV show, came along, I didn’t even know you could search an image on Google. I knew you could find images from typing in keywords, but taking an image and placing it into the Google search engine was something that I just didn’t know about. I suspect that I didn’t know about it because I never thought searching one’s own pictures was necessary. Until Catfish. I mean, these people will take your entire album and stake claim on your entire life. And even though they usually have some sad story about their low self-esteem to accompany their explanation for their deceit, I can’t help but see the humor in it. It’s so extreme. And disrespectful, not just to the other person, but mostly to the person whose identity you’re stealing. They don’t even know you. And what makes it even more comical is how extremely opposite the stolen identity is from The Catfish. It’s polar opposite in every way, excluding race; no white girl/guy ever perpetrates as a black girl/guy. But everything else, including gender, is up for grabs.

As funny as it is, when my laughter subsides, I can’t help but wonder if there’s some black girl/guy out there using my pictures as themselves. And as easy as it would be to just Google search my image, I don’t want to do it. What if I find out that somebody is pretending to own my face? What’s the protocol for handling that? I mean, one could make the argument that my searching my own images could be considered an exercise in vanity and arrogance. So maybe it’s best that I just don’t know.

Yeah, I’ll just wait until I see my face on MTV.

Broke and Famous

Dormtainment. Never heard of them? Well if you have a day to spend in front of the computer check them out at DormtainmentTV on YouTube. They are a group of six talented guys who want to entertain you. Each of them bring a different specialty to the group that together gives them a certain “it” factor.

  

This past Sunday the released their first comedy album entitled “Broke and Famous”. It provides you with amazing music that will keep a smile on your face. They have released a mixtape and several music videos previously but this right here shows so much talent and growth. It’s only $4.99 and I suggest purchasing it. Support these up and coming positive guys even if you have to wait until you get your Chiristmas money. This would also make a great gift for someone with a sense of humor. Here's a video off their album if you aren't sold yet...

Reader Giveaway

We are so excited to have reached over 1000 readers in such a short time. To show our appreciation we decided to have a giveaway. The first person to email us a serious question or comment  to postgradsd@gmail.com will receive a special gift! The deadline will be December 19th

GPS

If you could have anyone be the voice of you GPS who would it be?

I would want Gloria from Modern Family to be the voice of my GPS. I can't exactly say why outside of the fact that I love her voice. I'm pretty sure she would keep me awake on long trips though.

I would want Bruce from Family Guy to be the voice of my GPS. Could you imagine making a wrong turn and hearing "oh no you done made a wrong turn. But that's OK I wont tell. You can make a U-turn up here" I would die laughing. 

I would want Meek Mill to be the voice of my GPS. Why you ask? Because that man is LOUD. I mean he never learned to use his inside voice....ever. Which is just what I need on the road. Since I do travel a lot it does get boring listening to factory standard homegirl. However, Meek's voice would keep me on my toes.


I would want DMX to be the voice of my GPS. He is great at getting someones attention> I tend to get bored easily but with DMX riding with me I will be able to stay alert and focused. The typical GPS voice is soft and monotone. I need excitement!

What Carrie Bradshaw has taught me…

10. “You can’t be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.”

9. “I don’t believe in email. I’m an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.”

8. “What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.”

7. “After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot.”

6. “Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

5. “As we drive along the road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

4. “As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can’t help but whine ‘Are we there yet?’”

3. “Are we simply romantically challenged or are we sluts?”

2. “When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past.”

1. “Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.”

Sex and the City may keep me in my feeling but it teaches me many lessons I never thought about.

You Live and You Learn.

I’ve never been good with timing. I think the main reason may be the fact that I do things on my time oppose to considering others who may be involved. A prime example would be when I decided to tell someone how I felt about them despite recognizing their situation at that time. I thought I was doing good but I didn’t get the response I wanted. In my mind it went like one of the final scene in Love & Basketball where Monica (Sanaa Lathan) told Quincy (Omar Epps) how she felt about him the night before he got married and he said “you still think the sun rises and sets on your ass. Well guess what, it doesn’t!” Although he didn’t say that, I was thinking it. I expected him to run to me and we trot off into the sunset. Instead I got the “You put me in a hard place. I really care for you but it’s hard for me to let go of my situation now.” *points trigger finger to me head*

For the first time EVER I was honest but didn’t consider everything. I don’t regret stepping out of my character and expressing myself but I do regret not considering what he was going through at the time. You live and you learn. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off of your leg. It hurts at first but the irritation of it being on you is now gone.

Unfortunately its also not in my character to stick around and wait for someone to get there life together so yeah….at least I got it off my chest and it allowed me to look at my self and realize a flaw I possess. Everything happens for a reason so you should always find the bright side when things look gloomy. 

The Coldest Climate in the World....

.....the friend zone
So as some point of another we have all had an encounter with the friend zone. Be it you placed someone there or you got put there it is a place that no one wants to be in. We all have friends but the friend zone is that special place you arrive at when you like someone in the romantic sense but they only see you as a friend.Iit burns like the fire of a thousand suns because you have real, deep romantic feelings for this person. You see yourself being the only one in their life but unfortunately they don't feel the same.Tthey may even hit you with the I see you as a brother/sister. *blankstare* I'm trying to  smang it and you wanna be my sister? no ma'am and no girl. Sometimes you even only become friends with this person because you are trying to get with them.

The hardest part of the friend zone is when they find out how you feel and they kind of dismiss it. The real battle comes when they say they still wanna be friends. Why the hell would I still wanna be your friend if I know you're the one for me.I  mean you don't have to dissolve the friendship, but it may be best to pull back a bit. Unless you're in that highly addictive love phase where you can't imagine the idea of not having them around. This can also hurt you because you may pass up other potential lovers because you want this one person who doesn't want you. You find yourself going to crazy lengths to do things for them all in the name of love. You stand by and watch as their other significant others treat them like shit and all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on as they go in on whatever the latest asshole has done and you know you would never do something like that to them but they'll never know because they wont give you a chance.

Now sometimes there are cases where they wear down and realize that you might actually be the one. this is typically after you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend and they see how good of a partner you are and realize what they missed out on. Now do you let them suffer and stay with this new person or do you go with your hearts true desire? The amount of time and attention you also give them can also have a huge effect on their feelings for you. Its called beauty and the beast syndrome. Suddenly there's something there that wasn't there before. They start to see damn this is a good person and they have some real  feelings for me.

Now not every friend zone has a "brown sugar" ending where you end up together because they finally realize it was you all along. Sometimes they are firm in that friend status and you really don't have a chance. that's when you make a pimps decision and decide do you really want to stay and be their friend because you value them as a friend, leave because you only were in it for romantic purposes, or stay as a friend but pull back a bit because you dont want to get hurt. The best advice I can offer is let them know how you feel and see what happens. they may feel the same way and not have said anything you never know ;) After that you can determine what is best lover or friend?

Bubble Gum

You know how when you have a pack of gum that hasn't been opened yet and you're really excited because this gum is great. You just wanna enjoy your it for as long as possible. For some reason there's always that one person that ask for a piece So trying to be nice you let them have one little piece. You don't plan on giving anyone else any because this is YOUR gum. This is never the case. Once you give out one piece everyone suddenly wants some. Having gum is never a secret. You wanted to keep your gum for yourself, but once the pack is opened its lost its freshness. You can try to lie and hide it as much as possible, but people always want gum. There are some you share your gum with willingly because you want to and others who you deny because you don't want to give it away. One day you look up and all your gum is gone. You have to think who did I give all my gum away to because I didn't chew it all by myself. You can get a new pack of gum, but you will always think of all the times you have given gum away before and wonder no matter how hard you try will you give away all you gum again? You don't wanna hold onto it because then it will get all stale and useless, but you need to be selective when giving away your delicious gum. Unless you wanna regret it and have to try and start over with a fresh pack.

If you have not figured it out yet....this has been a sex post 

Internet Beef

Internet beef is described as a disagreement/ argument between at least two people over the Internet (Facebook, Twitter, or other social networks).

If I don’t care for you I won’t involve you in any aspect of my life, even if its accepting a friend request of following them on twitter. For some reason there are many people who don’t feel the same way. Too often am I seeing people arguing over the Internet. What’s the point? Why are you all friends? Why are you all following each other? (Especially if this is not the first time.)

Recently I witnessed a twitter fight. Someone I follow tweeted out something that seemed genuine and would benefit a group of people. While most of the responses were positive there were a couple of people who didn’t agree. Everyone is allowed an opinion but it should stay just that. A certain person, who I don’t follow because of her known arrogance and pettiness, had a problem. She not only disagreed with the idea but then went on to question the persons intentions. An small argument ensued and once it ended negative Nancy continued to complaining and subtweeting (talking about someone without mention that persons name). This same situation happens frequently on Facebook.

I wish people would realize this is pointless. Nothing is gained but a headache. Do you really need to be “friends” with and “follow” people you don’t care for just to end up in petty arguments? We are too old for this. There are much more important issues we face daily in the world to be bothered with things like arguing and bullying over the Internet. Grow and make a positive name for yourself because saying you have 1000 Facebook friends and 1250 followers isn’t what can be put on your resume or will be written in your obituary. Go find a hobby that can make you some money or better the world.

Love, Sex, and More Sex

A few years ago there seemed to be a shortage in real talent. Music didn't have the same feeling it once had. Theres was no excitement when an album was released. Today things seem to be changing and I am so excited for it.

Over the weekend I went to Trey Songz concert here in Chicago. Everyone who knows me, knows I LOVE Trey Songz! I was so excited when he announced his world tour for his latest album Chapter V. I already knew I would be there no matter who would be accompanying him. He later said that Elle Varner and Miguel would be joining the tour. While I was excited about Miguel, because frankly he scares me, but I was so excited that Elle Varner would be on the tour. 

I had first row seats, which gave me the full experience. FIrst up was Elle. She blew me away. Perfectly Imperfect is my favorite girly album. Its so emotional and real. She had a short set singing four songs along with a little Jay-Z tribute. She was amazing! Her voice is so powerful. I heard several people say that they were surprised by her talent and that they were going to buy her album later. Its so refreshing to see a young female singer who can really sing. She even smiled at me, probably because I was one of the only people who knew all the lyrics to each of the songs she performed but still it made me happy. I look forward to her having her own concert so I can see her perform all of my favorites.

Next was Miguel. I hate to admit this but he is a great entertainer. He was all about getting a reaction out of the crowd. He sang his  but off while also managing to pelvic thrust across the stage, freak the mic, dig in his pants, spit water up and over the crowd (luckily not me) and strip out of all his shirts. He was full of energy and I enjoyed it even though I didn't know a couple of the songs because I don't listen to him frequently.He also got directly in front of me, forcing I contact with him because I wasn't paying attention to him at some point. So while he is still a creep, he's an extremely talented one. (BTW his band is so sexy!)

Last but certainly not least was my boo. He sang all his hits and almost all of his new album. His performance was entertaining and emotional like always. The love and sex was oozing from both him and the audience. He loves his fans and you can really tell when he interacts with the audience. This was my fifth, maybe sixth, time seeing him concert and I felt that this time was a tad rushed. I'm not sure if it was because he had to act before him or because he didn't change outfits, only jackets, but I was expecting more. I hope that he goes back to his old way of performing so I can really enjoy it, but he still sang his heart out which is all that matters. 

I look forward to seeing all three again because I appreciate their craft and dedication to being real artists for our generation. I encourage everyone to go see at least one of these artists live. Theres nothing like actually going to a concert and experiencing it.

I'm hooked on you!

On December 3, 2010 I met Trey Songz for the first time after winning a Trey's Angels contest. After that day I was hooked. I've met him three more times since then. The latest time was over the weekend at the Chapter V World Tour concert. In most cases when you meet him its a very intimate moment. You and him in the room with an assistant. I walked in smiling at him. Before I could speak he said "How was your angel mission yesterday? I her you donated food." That's when I died inside and life became a blur. He knows me! The last time I saw him he looked as if he recognized me but thats it. This time it was obvious. The smile I had that night is still on my face, which reminds me of the first time we met. I'm an addict for him and I don't want to go to rehab. Can't wait for next time!

Listen to Gucci Mane Closely.

He says a lot of ignorant things but there are also those less ignorant quotables…

5. “You pathetic; I’m poetic.”

4. “Girls (or guys) are like buses, miss one, next fifteen, one comin”

3. “Sticks and stones will break my bones and bullets won't reflex off me, but words and insults only show da world how y'all respectin me”

2. “I'm my bestfriend and I'm my worst enemy. And no one else can hurt me unless I let them, is ya feelin me?”

1. “I learned that everybody is not you friend. You have to watch who you associate with and surround yourself with positive things and people who went to do something positive.”

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot

"Make sure everyone in your "boat" is rowing and not drilling holes when you're not looking"

The best thing you can have on your side is a strong team. Be it family, friends, business partners, who you surround yourself with is who you are and have an impact on your success. One of the keys to success is having a support system that has you best interest at heart.

Kim Kardashian is the perfect example of this. She gave the driest, laziest, most handsy blowjob in the history of sex. With her mothers business acumen and proactive sometimes overly aggressive nature, she was able to turn that into an opportunity  for not only Kim, but the whole family. She said hey america let me show you what kind of household raises a girl like this. This is how we ended up with Keeping up with the Kardashians. Now you cant turn on the tv, pick up a magazine, or go on the internet without seeing at least one member of the Kardashian clan or someone who is affiliated with them. I don't even want to get started on this Kimye situation, but like I said its all a business. Everyone in the family has their own show in addition to several products and endorsements. The same with the Braxtons. You knew Toni, but gave a resounding "chile who?" to the other 100 sisters. They seized an opportunity and now we have Tamar.....

By no means am I saying release a sextape. I feel that you need to keep a group around you who can support you and your dreams. Also use your talents to develop your brand. You are your own company. Be it singing, making jewelery, cracking watermelons with your thighs you can create a career from your passion. You're going to be working for the rest of your life so it might as well be doing something you enjoy. I can honestly say that the other three writers are  intelligent, educated women with opinions worthy of being heard. This is a brand so of course we choose to represent ourselves in a certain way. We aren't famous (yet)  so all we have right now is our name. Make sure that the names associated with yours have a reputation that you want associated with yours. 

This is where your team comes in. Dont give away your dreams to everyone because not everyone is really here for you. They will be quick to pat you on the back, but can you name a time when they ever really proved that they believed in you? You are going to need help. Here we are with these expensive degrees we sweat blood and tears for so lets put them to use. I can name off top right now an accountant, PR, marketing, graphic designer for any business venture I could come up with. What is having bum ass friends bringing to your life? NOT A GOTDAMN THING! Show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. Some people don't believe this, but if you are willing to be around bullshit it will eventually sink in and drag you down with it. 

Upgrade your team and utilize your resources

We want to hear from YOU!!!

Is there anything that you want us to talk about? Have a question (serious or silly) you want us to all (or one specifically) to answer? Please don't be shy. Email us at PostGradSD@gmail.com or leave a comment.


Thank you for reading and supporting us!

GOOD LUCK!!!

We would like to wish our PGSD member A.P. good luck this Saturday on her LSAT!!! You can do it!!!

How does this thing work?

I grew up listening to how many of the elders in my family met. Listening to their stories gave me this hope that when I was old enough to date things would go just as beautiful and simple. When I got to high school I looked around at the world and realized things weren’t the way they described. Sure technology was different but why did relationships have to change along with it? I am out of college and still cant figure out how this relationship thing works nowadays.

Courting was once a requirement. Today courting is “talking”, which is seen as less serious. Back in the day courting was serious….

“Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. Gifts are exchanged. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity. It is now common for females in younger generations both to initiate relationships and to propose marriage.” (Wiki Source)

What happened to courting? “Talking” is the new thing, which even sounds basic. “Courting,” sounds royal and intimate while “Talking,” sounds ordinary and public. I talk to people daily, why would I want the blooming of a relationship to be titled with an overused term? Also in some cases people “talk” to several people at one time until it becomes understood that you are in a relationship with one person.

I feel that “respect” has been taken out of today’s relationships. In most cases guys aren’t trying to find one girl at a time to see if they are “the one,” instead its almost like an Old Country Buffet line, trying to fit as much as you can on one plate. Slow down! Respect whats on your plate. If you don’t like something you can always get back up and get something else. When I am approached by a guy who appears to have the intentions of forming a relationship with me I focus on that person but what I am realizing is that they don't feel the same way. Talking has become this drawn out process of staying still for a long time until it is decided that this isn't working or a title is placed. Then there are situations that are the complete opposite where after a week of knowing a person, all of a sudden you are boyfriend and girlfriend and a month later you love watch other and they a year later you all are married. Why most it go from one extreme to another? I will admit that there are times when I get antsy about finding a husband so I can get married and have children but that is only because I look around at people I went to school with that are getting engaged, are already married, or have children (wed or unwed). But in reality I just want to be in a happy medium so I have the opportunity to get to know a person and have a mutual respect.

The fact the sex has become so mainstream may be a reason for courting's disappearance. Children are having sex which leads to the nonchalantness of the situation when they get older. The fact that I am not sexually active may be the reason why I look at relationships differently. I've been asked for sex like it were a book on the shelf behind me. Sex is no longer a gift for your husband on your first night of marriage. It doesn't even require a relationship. I dont understand todays way of thinking. I don't want to change my way of thinking, I just wonder if there are any men of my generation that were raised with the same respect for a relationship. 

He's Mr. Steal Yo Girl for a Reason

In honor of his golden birthday (28 on the 28th) I decided to let todays silver lining quotes be from the wonderful Trey Songz.

10. Addicted to this life yet life’s what’s missing. Let that manifest.

9. Count your blessings. Every time I am doing bad I count my blessings. And I always lose count. Try the sometime.

8. To be in love you have to give your all and I cant give that right now because I take care of my family and they depend on me…and to try and take me away from that would be just wrong.

7. A dream will only be a dream if you sleep on it follow your dreams.

6. Hate will get you nowhere.

5. Love is hard to find, but love is one of a kind.

4. I didn't say I love you to hear it back, I said it to make sure you knew.

3. Sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right places.

2. Nothing can be gain by living in yesterday.

1. Bitch you know my name, it's Mr Tremaine.

D-bag in Aisle 2

Never in the entirety of my black life have I experienced ANYTHING comparable to Black Friday 2012. First let me answer a couple of FAQs that may come up throughout this post:

Q. Was this your first time shopping Black Friday?
A. Yes.

Q. Where did you go?
A. Walmart and Best Buy

Q. What did you go shopping for?
A. Televisions

Q. What demon of Satan possessed you to agree to go shopping for someone else's TVs?
A. Chile if only I knew.

Are we all on the same page now? Good. These people were bat crazy. In my short 4 hours on the scene I witnessed 2 arguments over parking, a complete fire hazard, sold out items in mere minutes of opening the store, and straight pandemonium. 

Whilst I was waiting amongst the crazy for items that weren't even being purchased by me, nor FOR me, my mind wandered to what the heck have we come to as a people? As a former retail employee I make it a point not to indulge in Black Friday shopping as a sign of camaraderie. I know how painful it was to leave my family so I can sell some random over priced sweaters at the butt-crack of dawn. So for this, my first black friday not working in retail, I got to see things from another perspective. 

No big surprise, from the consumer perspective, I was ashamed. Here we are pushing and shoving waiting in long lines for items we were only saving about 30% off. It may sound like a lot, but the tale from the trenches is way worse. How dare we fight over SPENDING our hard earned money. That's like fighting at the strip club over who will tip a performer. COMPLETELY POINTLESS. 

There are people living in this world who fight on a daily to EAT. There are people in this city alone 14,000+ to be exact, who fight over a safe place to sleep at night. Here we are waiting outside, in the cold, voluntarily in line to spend money we obviously don't need for food or shelter to save a couple bucks on a flatscreen TV. 

I volunteered to do the shopping for my family that night, just out of curiosity. I had never been, nor will I go back again. Anytime I see Sheriffs and employees in hazard vests......let's just say  I'm good. More importantly I want the people that do indulge in this 'holiday' to really sit back and think about the fact there are more important things to do over the Thanksgiving holiday than camping out all day to be first to purchase a $20 video game. How about giving back to the people who camp out every night just to get a wink of sleep. Just a thought.

Trust your instincts!

Ladies: your 1^st instinct and/or the information you find without them telling you are 95% of the time true.

Fellas: women will find out without you saying anything.

I wish I would have believed what I saw. I wish I would have not believed what you said. I wish the time went spent together was based on honesty. After spending almost a year with a guy I realized it wasn’t working. A month after ending what we had I find out my first instincts was true. Everything he was telling me was a lie.

He was involved in a relationship and now he has become single. A month into talking I asked if he was seeing anyone because I found a picture. He lied and I believed him because that is what I wanted to hear. The blatant truth was revealed to me and I chose not to believe it. I didn’t have to put multiple clues together and create some story yet I was blind to the truth the slapped me in the face. Lesson learned. I’m still young and apparently naïve but no longer will I accept the lies because I don’t want my feelings hurt. In reality they hurt a lot more after time is invested.

Disclaimer: This was written out of anger and frustration.

If my life were a movie/musical...

If your life were a movie/musical what would it be?

If my life were a movie, it would be “Something New.” Only there probably wouldn’t be a white man as fine as Simon Baker being my love interest. Although, I am down for the swirl. My point is, I’d be able to be successful and have a good man that can handle me. As far as that whole cotillion/fraternity thing, that’s my relatives to a tea.

If my life were more festive and a musical, it would have to be “Hairspray” because there’s so much hope in the movie. It carries the message that we should be ourselves and never make apologies for it. No matter what the “motion in the ocean” may be, nobody can stop the beat. If there’s anyone that needs a constant reminder that being my best self is best, it’s me.

-AP

If my life were a movie or musical it would be The Adjustment Bureau. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason based on what the universe has planned. BUT sometimes you have to know what you want and how to make it happen in spite of all the factors against you. Either that or Mulan. I am not what my parents imagined and work everyday to bring honor to us all. At the end though she saved China and got her man so I shall find my own greatness.

If my life were a musical it would probably be "Wicked". Why? The songs speak to me. Literally. In part because I am both main characters AT THE SAME D*MN TIME! Enough Future references,but Elphaba and Glinda are both on opposite ends of the same struggle. Doing what is right or finding your destiny. It is easy to get complacent where you are, but the real challenge is doing what you were meant todo despite other's opinion of it/you. Who knows who we may meet in this life that will influence the path, I just hope like the main characters to be changed for good.

If my life were a movie it would be Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Not because I admire Audrey Hepburn, but because I feel as if I’m pretending to be someone I’m not but getting closer to who I want to be. I didn’t run away from home but I’m not what my family expected or who I once imagined I’d be. Im a social butterfly, living for excitement and company. I can’t financially support myself yet and I have no idea what I want to do specifically with my life. I can’t say my love life is as exciting but I stay entertained. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is not how I want my life to continue but life is ever changing and I look forward to see what the next feature film will bring.

My life....the children's cartoon.

This should be easy. I am a film buff! I LOVE movies. However this is probably one of the hardest assignments I've tackled for PGSD as far as self-reflection. My earliest memories were of my dad picking my sister and I up from school on Fridays and giving us the option of Blockbuster or McDonalds. I was no fool, you get the movie, which you can watch over and over for a weekend, AND then sucker him into the food. (He always fell for that trap)

Nevertheless, I had the older sister influence over our movie of choice. It was always my favorite movie. Every time without fail...The Swan Princess. This movie was everything, and it had everything! A princess, dope within her own right, and a handsome prince are practically raised for marriage. The prince asks her for her hand because she is so beautiful, and she denies him! She had known him all her life, but she just wouldn't let him put a ring on it. Why? She wanted to be more than a pretty face to a man. She wanted him to see all of her, not just her beauty. Once this was interrupted, her father's nemesis comes and kidnaps her and puts a spell on her to turn into a swan by day, and a human by light of the moon. She is trapped in an abandoned moat wing of a castle and left there.

Its a little scary how even 15 years later this movie resonates in my life. Lately I have been feeling trapped by the expectations of others. Those around me always felt they knew what was best for me. So I pursued a major in college, I wasn't really passionate about, because that was the only way I was getting help with finances in school. When I finally broke free of those expectations, I thought, life came and put more on me. Forcing me to put on a happy facade, in good packaging by day, but only having fun when I feel I can truly be myself at night.

Much like the Swan Princess, my task is to find a way to have the courage to be myself in all aspects of my life, and find what truly makes me happy. Along her journey, she had some great friends to help her find that courage; a puffin, frog, and turtle. As silly as it sounds, my puffin, frog, and turtle are my co-writers on this site. They keep me sane and are on a similar journey in their own right.So I don't feel alone in being abandoned' in the real world.

In the end the Swan Princess with the help of her friends overcomes her fears of being the strong and courageous person to those on the outside as she was on the inside.Maybe the key is to sing a catchy song with random pond creatures....if only it were that easy.

In The Words of Charlie Brown…

I’ve decided to start a series of posts with inspiring quotes to help stimulate the mind and see the sunshine on a cloudy day. Today I have chosen Charlie Brown, a misunderstood genius. Here are some of my favorite words of wisdom from him.

10. “Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.”

9. “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.”

8. “There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.”

7. “There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader.” –Charlie Brown

6. “I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”

5. “My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?”

4. “I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.”

3. “Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”

2. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

1. “There is no greater burden than great potential.”

If you have any favorite inspirational books, quotes, or people feel free to share them.

C.R.E.A.M.

It has always been extremely hard for me to follow directions and take advice. I have the tendency to do things my way and do whatever I want. I had my heart set on teaching when I started college because that's what made me happy. Welp that didn't happen. I wanted to go to Howard and my father who's purse strings I was depending on refused to pay for Howard if I wanted to study education. He felt that I could go to UIC  or Chicago State which I had never even considered not even as safety schools. My heart had been set on Howard so I applied as a business major.

 Long story short my father did not keep his end of the bargain and I was stuck in a major I absolutely hated. It affected me mentally, physically, and my grades suffered. I supplemented my lack of education major by joining as many organizations involving early childhood education as possible. I volunteered and got jobs doing what I felt was my passion. I always got the side eye about business degree, but my passion outweighed the education. Eventually I graduated and got a job doing ECE even though my advisor referred me to every marketing job she could think of. Now in my current situation I wonder if I made the right choice.

I am not happy with my current work situation. When I first started it was great I was so excited to finally be doing what I wanted full time. After a few month though I maybe had a revelation and realized this was killing me. I couldn't stand my coworkers and my children started giving me migraines. My personality is even changing  I feel cynical and angry all the time.  I feel stuck because this job market is not the best and right now I have serious job security. The money is a big issue right now too. At first it was more than enough, but when those student loans and credit cards starting kicking in I was screwed. I've been looking for new jobs, but my frustration with my current situation is making me wonder if education was really what I wanted. I was happy in every other job I had, but this one has soured my feelings on children. I have the business degree and am beginning to wonder if that is really what I'm supposed to be doing. I have had interviews and offers outside for marketing position and then comes the inevitable question :"Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" I miss dressing up everyday like when I had marketing internships. I miss feeling challenged and not just having my patience tested. I'm over putting kids in time out and leaving work in tears from frustration and aggravation.

So now I have to decide what I really want. Do I still love children?  Is a new career worth the money? Will a change of setting bring me back to what I love? PGSD level 4