A Love Story, Tried and...True?

The hopeless, hapless romantic in me has always wanted a romantic love story. I wanted the intensity of a love so strong and so overwhelming that it could put the most romantic love story to shame. A love story for the ages. Growing up my favorite romantic comedy was When Harry Met Sally, and for a long time (basically my whole entire life), I fashioned my relationships after that. When my relationships fell flat one by one, however, I started to believe that those sort of love stories weren’t real. I became a tried and true cynic, denying the little princess that lives inside of me the permission to squeal with glee when Ally shrugs at Noah and runs into his arms at the end of The Notebook. And I have to say, minus a few drunken slip ups, I’ve stayed pretty true to my cynical façade. Until now…

Everybody has that one person. Whether you’ve met them already or will in the future, every single one of us has that one person that we are drawn to for some reason. They can put you through Hell, you can vow to never speak to them again, but when your phone buzzes and their number (which even though you’ve deleted from your phone, you know by heart) pops up, you have to respond. My person is the man that I wrote about earlier in the blog post, “Like Wine.” It’s funny when I read that back to myself. Although the post is raw with my truth, I can see my areas of masking, attempting to deny myself the very real love that I have for him. But in my ability to see that, I can pat myself on the back for having grown because back then, I couldn’t see it.

My ex and I did (or rather, do) have a love story. It has the romance, heartbreak, longing to be with someone but X,Y, and Z are not in place so it feels impossible—all that stuff combine to make a true love story. Have we conquered the odds yet? No. Will we? It’s too soon to tell. But I know that what I asked for my whole life, I received. Real, tangible, unrelenting, reach-for-the-stars-over-the-moon-world-series kind of love (yes, that last part is a tribute to my childhood obsession with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen circa “It Takes Two”).

I became a cynic because I never expected the kind of pain that I received from my love story. And once in pain, I never believed that I could feel the profound appreciation and joy that I now feel post-pain. So I cut myself off from romance, classifying it as an impossible ideal. I think that’s what we all do when we are given what we’ve always wanted, but it’s not gift-wrapped quite the way we anticipated it being. Unexpected pain and hardship can harden us. I’ve only ever met one person who’s never been hardened by heartbreak, who remained a true romantic until her very last day, and that was my departed best friend.

I am no longer rocked too much by pain, and I work hard not to let it devalue or trivialize the gifts (especially those that I’ve specifically asked for) that I receive. My ex and I may never get married or grow old together or write down our story and read it to each other and our kids (even though he’s suggested that we do), but at least I know that I did get the real-life intense love story that I dreamt of as a kid. And the best part of it is that something tells me it’s not quite finished yet. 

Running gets you the gold.

The truth is I’m scared of succeeding. Failing doesn’t hurt me because I haven’t gone far enough. If I were to succeed that would mean I would be at the top. Heights are only scary when you look down; I look down a lot in order to watch my footing. If I could change anything about myself it would be to stop second-guessing myself. I can tell you everything I want out of life but when it comes to getting it I come to a stand still. I hate waiting yet I find the most formal and slowest ways about getting something because of my fears. Mind you the “go getter” door is wide-open waiting for me to take my chances and get things my way.

I sit in the box by choice despite the fact that I know what’s outside the box is so much better. I rather be broke doing what I love rather than rich and stuck doing someone else’s passion but in reality its hard for me to put that into practice. Instead here I am at a stand still looking for office jobs instead of putting myself out there and being successful.

I want to thank everyone who supports me even if I won’t budge. The first step is admitting your fault. I’m trying to move but fear seems to be winning. My time is now and the fact that I know now will always be now it’s hard to get started. Maybe I need to start saying my time was yesterday. I can’t continue waiting on my dreams because my feet are moving too slow. Running gets you the gold medal.

I am my nightmare and dream. Accept who you are and use what you have to make it work. 23 years of living is nothing. You live, you learn, you conquer. Only you can save yourself. Its time to save myself.

Dream Vacation

One day I’d love to travel the world. Having been blessed with the opportunity to study abroad in college, I went to Europe, and I saw England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. But the one place—my dream place—that I never had the opportunity to visit during those three months was France. I have always wanted to go to France. Not just Paris, although I daydream about the Louvre, Lovers’ Lock Bridge, and moonlit gondola rides on the Seine, I also long to see the countryside of France, to have a glass of red wine in a vineyard of Bordeaux.

Another stop I’d have to make on my travels around the world would be to Fiji. To me, Fiji is like Paradise. It oozes romance and serenity. With all of its beauty, exoticism and romance, I’d have to go with a sweetie. I’d probably need a sweetie for France too. Maybe my dream vacay will end up being my honeymoon!

My dream vacation starts off in Monaco on the French Riviera. I would love to yacht up and down the coast and spending the nights in the world famous Monte Carlo Casino. In a very James Bond like fashion drinking martinis and playing high stakes poker in a old nasty piece of ball gown. Once I have gotten tan and collected my winnings I would hop on my private jet to Crete in Greece. I love the history and beauty of this island. It would be amazing to see the architecture then lay on the beach. One day...one day

My dream vacation would be a romantic getaway to the Italian countryside. I LOVE Italy. I would love an Italian getaway where it was packed with nothing but wine, cheese, beautiful countryside, and fresh openness  Italy is a land of so much history and beauty, from the language to the food. I would love a vacation to really immerse myself in the beauty of the Italian culture and countryside. 

Greece!!! There are so many places that I want to travel to but Greece would be my dream vacation. I would spend most of my time on a yacht relaxing. Maybe try my hand at fishing. My dream vacation really just involves me in a beautiful place not worrying about anything...and if I just so happen to fall in love with a greek man and permanently live there so be it.

Cheers!

Cheers to being in your 20s. Cheers to graduating college. Cheers to going to grad school. Cheers to having a job. Cheers to waking up everyday. Cheers to deciding how to live your life! Cheers to being able to cheers to any of those cheers. We cheers because it’s a Tuesday, or because it’s sunny, or because immature Ray J made an amazingly catchy song.

You are you and I am me. I don’t judge you so please don’t judge me.

Too often do I talk to people my age who aren’t enjoying life. Memento Mori. That’s probably the most influential phrase in my life. (So much so it is tatted it on my left shoulder) The Latin saying translates into English meaning “remember you will die”. I like to think of it as the political correct form of YOLO.  Everyone has goals in life but everyone should not be so focused on those goals that you forget to celebrate life. 

It is very common for people to look at someone else’s life and get upset that they aren’t at that point in life. There are people my age with whole families (husband/wife, kid(s), and a dog). There are also people I graduated with buying brand new cars every other year. Sounds good and all but in reality I’m not ready and too often the people trying to hurry up and get there aren’t realizing they aren’t ready for that part of life either. Don’t hide who you are in order to look good for others. You will get where you want to be at your own pace and I can guarantee you will be a lot happier because you were able to have fun doing it. Work is work but there is always happy hour afterwards.

Some of your biggest hiccups will be when you are in your 20s. Here are some good (and not so good) examples. Macaulay Culkin realized he wasn't as cute as he used to be and started doing drugs, He was arrested at 24 for possession. Diddy was charged with assault when he was 29 and that same year got caught up in club scandal with Shyne. Jay-z was 29 when he stabbed a record executive. Houston was 22 when he gouged his eye out. Britney Spears cheated on Justin Timberlake when she was 21. She also went into rehab shaved her head at the age of 26. At 26 Michael Jacksons hair caught fire and we all know that changed him forever. Left Eye set her boyfriends house on fire at 23. The next year TLC declared bankruptcy. Taylor Swift is in her 20s and a public serial dater. Finally, Chris Brown started his 20s with the biggest hiccup of his life. Which means Rhianna also had a hiccup. 

Your ducks are still trying to get in line so let them. Rushing will just leave you wanting more and being highly disappointed when you realize more isn’t enough. I'm not trying to discourage anyones way of living Im just trying to remind you to stop and smell the Pansies often enough to make you smile on a rainy day. 

So let us toast to memento mori. Cheers.

Relationships on Life Support

No relationship is perfect nor is any person. Taking those two facts you end up with the struggle to keep two people together. Jealousy and insecurity are often accused of being more feminine traits, but I'm sure we all know this is not true. Men are just as wrapped in their emotions as women and have to add their ego to the situation as well. The one commonality from men and women though is that jealousy and insecurities will always be a major hindrance in a relationship. 

It seems that no one can just live in peace. There will always be rats lurking at the threshold and when you give into the negative emotions that jealousy and insecurity create you let them in. These are not easy things to fight. If you care for someone you don't want to be in a constant battle of trying to keep them. This is where respect for your relationship and your own self esteem comes into play. Your partner should respect your union enough to not allow outsiders come between you. If they are an egomaniac who constantly needs validation from the opposite sex they are creating a breeding ground for jealousy. Or they may be an attention whore or just oblivious. Perhaps you just aren't enough. Either way never let someone else affect how you feel about you. 

Some people are just naturally jealous and can't ever be happy in a relationship. Either they have been hurt or they just have a complex that causes them to not trust their mates. If you are this person perhaps you need to get to the root of your problems and fix them before you attempt to create another failed relationship person. You might think you don't have a problem, but if all of your relationships have failed for similar reasons guess what its you not them. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone who does not trust you get out now because it won't get any better.

Bacon is love
Rev Ash

The Gift of An Old Story

The older I get, the more I appreciate thought-provoking conversations with people. Especially with older people. It may have something to do with my vested interest in people, their actions, and humanity in general, but I think it may also have something to do with the fact that my inner circle is constantly changing, which speaks to my own evolution. Like most people, I strive to have a strong support system because I know that the direction I plan to take with my life will require strength. And while I like to pretend that my strength is innate (and partially it is), I know that my strength comes from other strong people.  Because I have always found deep power in words more so than actions, I derive my greatest strength from listening. I know some of the best talkers. Most of them are older, and I can credit them with being the best talkers because they’ve mastered the art of listening to other great talkers. So I love talking to my mom, grandmother, great aunts and uncles because they hold so much knowledge about people. I can ask them any questions I want, and I don’t have to feel like I’m in some kind of intellectual boxing match. There’s no underlying tension to prove who knows more, which is fostered by and passed on to young people through academia.

Older people have been there and done all that. They can see through all the foolishness and they love using their experiences as teaching tools. I’m coming to understand that in order to battle my twenty-somethings, I desperately need these tools in my back pocket. Whatever that saying is about needing the past in order to navigate through your present and beyond, it’s true. And older people are your portal to the past. I’m not saying that their stories will make this journey of “finding thine self” an easy one, but it can definitely provide you with a little hope—what you’re going through is not unique; somebody else has been there.

So look to some older person when you need guidance that your friends can’t give you. The worst that can happen is that nothing they say helps. At least you’re always bound to hear a really good story. 

Unwritten Rules

A reader asked...

Would you say that there are unwritten rules of the work place? If so, what are they?

I definitely think there are some unwritten and unspoken rules in the workplace. Just like life. For me, I file these rules under the category of “tact.” Before I do anything at work, I tend to measure it on the tact scale. So I tend to not say a lot of personal stuff at work. I try not to even tell people when I’m not feeling well. There are just certain types of conversations you shouldn’t have with your coworkers because they aren’t your friends. Therefore, it’s cool to tell them that you went out with a couple of friends when they inquire about your weekend, but you probably shouldn’t mention that you went bar hopping and drank one too many gin and tonics and consequently hated yourself and all things liquid the next day. That’s just not tactful. I also wouldn’t recommend you bringing your baggage into work. Save the tears, angry attitudes, and drama for your casa. It’s not a good look. Why? Because, it must be stressed, these people are not your friends. And judgment from coworkers can be harder to shake than the judgment of the man you rolled your eyes at on the bus.

I think the biggest unwritten rule at work is remember that these are not your friends and they do not have your best interest at heart. Your coworkers do not owe you anything. I have seen coworkers cut each other in their own attempts to get ahead. Watch your back and remember someone is always watching you. Let people enough into your life to seem human, but they don't need to know every detail of your life. All information is free to be used against you. Watch your own back and do your work. If their is a promotion or raise available even the girl who you share lattes with and kiki it up with at mandatory functions will stab you in the back to save their own behind. Also, if you know you did not bring that item in the fridge don't eat it!

There are definitely some unspoken rules in the workplace. I think each specific 'office' setting has their own. So my first offering, is to come in on high alert. When you first establish a presence in an office setting, always keep your eyes and ears open for some of the 'office code'. Even though you may be 'new' or unfamiliar  you are ultimately expected to learn and live by that specific settings 'code'. (Unless it is something illegal or immoral ;-)
One thing I can honestly say has been a universal office rule is to check your personal at the door. As harsh as it may sound, remember you are there on the clock, as well as everyone else in the building. Business can not wait on you to get over what Bob in accounting said, Lisa in Marketing did, or that Tim in management called you out. Take constructive criticism as just that, not as a personal attack. Remember, you are there to do a job, and not to necessarily establish friendships or personal relationships. The reality is, this stuff will happen organically, because you spend so much time on the job, but be wise enough to separate business and personal.Business carries on with or without you. However, if you bring your personal to the workplace, you may risk compromising your workplace integrity. Which in the long run could damage your professional growth. Always check the personal before you say your first 'Good Morning'. 

I think that there are many unwritten rules of the work place. The more you know the faster you will be able to move up the ladder. In my opinion one of the most important would be to remember that you are at work. You are not a school, a club, or social gathering. Acknowledge everyone, even if its just the mail guy. Let everyone know who you are because you are friendly, not because you are the subject of gossip. Always be courteous to everyone because you never who they are or how they will impact your future. Forming a link with everyone will allow for you to find out about possible opportunities. With that being said its one thing to be courteous its another thing to form a friendship or more. You're at work, everyone has their own motives so don't get too comfortable too fast. Don't assume when you are having a bad day or if you feel like venting, it is okay to discuss that with your coworkers, especially in the office. They are your coworkers first and foremost. They aren't like your outside friends who can be your therapists when needed. Even if they don't have an ulterior motive you never know who is listening. 


Have a question you would like us to answer or a topic for us to discuss? Feel free to submit it to us in the gold box to the right or shoot us an email (PostGradSD@gmail.com).

Today you are You...

My first love was pretty much the coolest guy ever...in life. He was very smart, a doctor in fact. His game was so smooth. His words still linger with me. He had me at "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish". Poetic right? If you havent figured out who I am talking about go get yo life. Anywho Dr. Seuss was a brilliant man. His quotes make me feel hopeful about life. Have you heard "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" or "Why fit in when you were born to stand out"? Did you know that those are his words? Well they are. Here are some more of his words that you may enjoy...

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cell. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living."

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." (Oh, the Places You'll Go! was a graduation present to me...every graduation. Its so applicable to life at this moment.)

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

"Fantasy is necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

"Today is your day! YOur mountain is waiting. So...get on your way."

"Think! You can think any think that you wish."

"It is better to know how to learn than to know."

"Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered."

"Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's a great balancing act."

"You're on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where to go."