Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot

"Make sure everyone in your "boat" is rowing and not drilling holes when you're not looking"

The best thing you can have on your side is a strong team. Be it family, friends, business partners, who you surround yourself with is who you are and have an impact on your success. One of the keys to success is having a support system that has you best interest at heart.

Kim Kardashian is the perfect example of this. She gave the driest, laziest, most handsy blowjob in the history of sex. With her mothers business acumen and proactive sometimes overly aggressive nature, she was able to turn that into an opportunity  for not only Kim, but the whole family. She said hey america let me show you what kind of household raises a girl like this. This is how we ended up with Keeping up with the Kardashians. Now you cant turn on the tv, pick up a magazine, or go on the internet without seeing at least one member of the Kardashian clan or someone who is affiliated with them. I don't even want to get started on this Kimye situation, but like I said its all a business. Everyone in the family has their own show in addition to several products and endorsements. The same with the Braxtons. You knew Toni, but gave a resounding "chile who?" to the other 100 sisters. They seized an opportunity and now we have Tamar.....

By no means am I saying release a sextape. I feel that you need to keep a group around you who can support you and your dreams. Also use your talents to develop your brand. You are your own company. Be it singing, making jewelery, cracking watermelons with your thighs you can create a career from your passion. You're going to be working for the rest of your life so it might as well be doing something you enjoy. I can honestly say that the other three writers are  intelligent, educated women with opinions worthy of being heard. This is a brand so of course we choose to represent ourselves in a certain way. We aren't famous (yet)  so all we have right now is our name. Make sure that the names associated with yours have a reputation that you want associated with yours. 

This is where your team comes in. Dont give away your dreams to everyone because not everyone is really here for you. They will be quick to pat you on the back, but can you name a time when they ever really proved that they believed in you? You are going to need help. Here we are with these expensive degrees we sweat blood and tears for so lets put them to use. I can name off top right now an accountant, PR, marketing, graphic designer for any business venture I could come up with. What is having bum ass friends bringing to your life? NOT A GOTDAMN THING! Show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. Some people don't believe this, but if you are willing to be around bullshit it will eventually sink in and drag you down with it. 

Upgrade your team and utilize your resources

We want to hear from YOU!!!

Is there anything that you want us to talk about? Have a question (serious or silly) you want us to all (or one specifically) to answer? Please don't be shy. Email us at PostGradSD@gmail.com or leave a comment.


Thank you for reading and supporting us!

GOOD LUCK!!!

We would like to wish our PGSD member A.P. good luck this Saturday on her LSAT!!! You can do it!!!

How does this thing work?

I grew up listening to how many of the elders in my family met. Listening to their stories gave me this hope that when I was old enough to date things would go just as beautiful and simple. When I got to high school I looked around at the world and realized things weren’t the way they described. Sure technology was different but why did relationships have to change along with it? I am out of college and still cant figure out how this relationship thing works nowadays.

Courting was once a requirement. Today courting is “talking”, which is seen as less serious. Back in the day courting was serious….

“Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. Gifts are exchanged. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity. It is now common for females in younger generations both to initiate relationships and to propose marriage.” (Wiki Source)

What happened to courting? “Talking” is the new thing, which even sounds basic. “Courting,” sounds royal and intimate while “Talking,” sounds ordinary and public. I talk to people daily, why would I want the blooming of a relationship to be titled with an overused term? Also in some cases people “talk” to several people at one time until it becomes understood that you are in a relationship with one person.

I feel that “respect” has been taken out of today’s relationships. In most cases guys aren’t trying to find one girl at a time to see if they are “the one,” instead its almost like an Old Country Buffet line, trying to fit as much as you can on one plate. Slow down! Respect whats on your plate. If you don’t like something you can always get back up and get something else. When I am approached by a guy who appears to have the intentions of forming a relationship with me I focus on that person but what I am realizing is that they don't feel the same way. Talking has become this drawn out process of staying still for a long time until it is decided that this isn't working or a title is placed. Then there are situations that are the complete opposite where after a week of knowing a person, all of a sudden you are boyfriend and girlfriend and a month later you love watch other and they a year later you all are married. Why most it go from one extreme to another? I will admit that there are times when I get antsy about finding a husband so I can get married and have children but that is only because I look around at people I went to school with that are getting engaged, are already married, or have children (wed or unwed). But in reality I just want to be in a happy medium so I have the opportunity to get to know a person and have a mutual respect.

The fact the sex has become so mainstream may be a reason for courting's disappearance. Children are having sex which leads to the nonchalantness of the situation when they get older. The fact that I am not sexually active may be the reason why I look at relationships differently. I've been asked for sex like it were a book on the shelf behind me. Sex is no longer a gift for your husband on your first night of marriage. It doesn't even require a relationship. I dont understand todays way of thinking. I don't want to change my way of thinking, I just wonder if there are any men of my generation that were raised with the same respect for a relationship. 

He's Mr. Steal Yo Girl for a Reason

In honor of his golden birthday (28 on the 28th) I decided to let todays silver lining quotes be from the wonderful Trey Songz.

10. Addicted to this life yet life’s what’s missing. Let that manifest.

9. Count your blessings. Every time I am doing bad I count my blessings. And I always lose count. Try the sometime.

8. To be in love you have to give your all and I cant give that right now because I take care of my family and they depend on me…and to try and take me away from that would be just wrong.

7. A dream will only be a dream if you sleep on it follow your dreams.

6. Hate will get you nowhere.

5. Love is hard to find, but love is one of a kind.

4. I didn't say I love you to hear it back, I said it to make sure you knew.

3. Sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right places.

2. Nothing can be gain by living in yesterday.

1. Bitch you know my name, it's Mr Tremaine.

D-bag in Aisle 2

Never in the entirety of my black life have I experienced ANYTHING comparable to Black Friday 2012. First let me answer a couple of FAQs that may come up throughout this post:

Q. Was this your first time shopping Black Friday?
A. Yes.

Q. Where did you go?
A. Walmart and Best Buy

Q. What did you go shopping for?
A. Televisions

Q. What demon of Satan possessed you to agree to go shopping for someone else's TVs?
A. Chile if only I knew.

Are we all on the same page now? Good. These people were bat crazy. In my short 4 hours on the scene I witnessed 2 arguments over parking, a complete fire hazard, sold out items in mere minutes of opening the store, and straight pandemonium. 

Whilst I was waiting amongst the crazy for items that weren't even being purchased by me, nor FOR me, my mind wandered to what the heck have we come to as a people? As a former retail employee I make it a point not to indulge in Black Friday shopping as a sign of camaraderie. I know how painful it was to leave my family so I can sell some random over priced sweaters at the butt-crack of dawn. So for this, my first black friday not working in retail, I got to see things from another perspective. 

No big surprise, from the consumer perspective, I was ashamed. Here we are pushing and shoving waiting in long lines for items we were only saving about 30% off. It may sound like a lot, but the tale from the trenches is way worse. How dare we fight over SPENDING our hard earned money. That's like fighting at the strip club over who will tip a performer. COMPLETELY POINTLESS. 

There are people living in this world who fight on a daily to EAT. There are people in this city alone 14,000+ to be exact, who fight over a safe place to sleep at night. Here we are waiting outside, in the cold, voluntarily in line to spend money we obviously don't need for food or shelter to save a couple bucks on a flatscreen TV. 

I volunteered to do the shopping for my family that night, just out of curiosity. I had never been, nor will I go back again. Anytime I see Sheriffs and employees in hazard vests......let's just say  I'm good. More importantly I want the people that do indulge in this 'holiday' to really sit back and think about the fact there are more important things to do over the Thanksgiving holiday than camping out all day to be first to purchase a $20 video game. How about giving back to the people who camp out every night just to get a wink of sleep. Just a thought.

Trust your instincts!

Ladies: your 1^st instinct and/or the information you find without them telling you are 95% of the time true.

Fellas: women will find out without you saying anything.

I wish I would have believed what I saw. I wish I would have not believed what you said. I wish the time went spent together was based on honesty. After spending almost a year with a guy I realized it wasn’t working. A month after ending what we had I find out my first instincts was true. Everything he was telling me was a lie.

He was involved in a relationship and now he has become single. A month into talking I asked if he was seeing anyone because I found a picture. He lied and I believed him because that is what I wanted to hear. The blatant truth was revealed to me and I chose not to believe it. I didn’t have to put multiple clues together and create some story yet I was blind to the truth the slapped me in the face. Lesson learned. I’m still young and apparently naïve but no longer will I accept the lies because I don’t want my feelings hurt. In reality they hurt a lot more after time is invested.

Disclaimer: This was written out of anger and frustration.

If my life were a movie/musical...

If your life were a movie/musical what would it be?

If my life were a movie, it would be “Something New.” Only there probably wouldn’t be a white man as fine as Simon Baker being my love interest. Although, I am down for the swirl. My point is, I’d be able to be successful and have a good man that can handle me. As far as that whole cotillion/fraternity thing, that’s my relatives to a tea.

If my life were more festive and a musical, it would have to be “Hairspray” because there’s so much hope in the movie. It carries the message that we should be ourselves and never make apologies for it. No matter what the “motion in the ocean” may be, nobody can stop the beat. If there’s anyone that needs a constant reminder that being my best self is best, it’s me.

-AP

If my life were a movie or musical it would be The Adjustment Bureau. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason based on what the universe has planned. BUT sometimes you have to know what you want and how to make it happen in spite of all the factors against you. Either that or Mulan. I am not what my parents imagined and work everyday to bring honor to us all. At the end though she saved China and got her man so I shall find my own greatness.

If my life were a musical it would probably be "Wicked". Why? The songs speak to me. Literally. In part because I am both main characters AT THE SAME D*MN TIME! Enough Future references,but Elphaba and Glinda are both on opposite ends of the same struggle. Doing what is right or finding your destiny. It is easy to get complacent where you are, but the real challenge is doing what you were meant todo despite other's opinion of it/you. Who knows who we may meet in this life that will influence the path, I just hope like the main characters to be changed for good.

If my life were a movie it would be Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Not because I admire Audrey Hepburn, but because I feel as if I’m pretending to be someone I’m not but getting closer to who I want to be. I didn’t run away from home but I’m not what my family expected or who I once imagined I’d be. Im a social butterfly, living for excitement and company. I can’t financially support myself yet and I have no idea what I want to do specifically with my life. I can’t say my love life is as exciting but I stay entertained. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is not how I want my life to continue but life is ever changing and I look forward to see what the next feature film will bring.

My life....the children's cartoon.

This should be easy. I am a film buff! I LOVE movies. However this is probably one of the hardest assignments I've tackled for PGSD as far as self-reflection. My earliest memories were of my dad picking my sister and I up from school on Fridays and giving us the option of Blockbuster or McDonalds. I was no fool, you get the movie, which you can watch over and over for a weekend, AND then sucker him into the food. (He always fell for that trap)

Nevertheless, I had the older sister influence over our movie of choice. It was always my favorite movie. Every time without fail...The Swan Princess. This movie was everything, and it had everything! A princess, dope within her own right, and a handsome prince are practically raised for marriage. The prince asks her for her hand because she is so beautiful, and she denies him! She had known him all her life, but she just wouldn't let him put a ring on it. Why? She wanted to be more than a pretty face to a man. She wanted him to see all of her, not just her beauty. Once this was interrupted, her father's nemesis comes and kidnaps her and puts a spell on her to turn into a swan by day, and a human by light of the moon. She is trapped in an abandoned moat wing of a castle and left there.

Its a little scary how even 15 years later this movie resonates in my life. Lately I have been feeling trapped by the expectations of others. Those around me always felt they knew what was best for me. So I pursued a major in college, I wasn't really passionate about, because that was the only way I was getting help with finances in school. When I finally broke free of those expectations, I thought, life came and put more on me. Forcing me to put on a happy facade, in good packaging by day, but only having fun when I feel I can truly be myself at night.

Much like the Swan Princess, my task is to find a way to have the courage to be myself in all aspects of my life, and find what truly makes me happy. Along her journey, she had some great friends to help her find that courage; a puffin, frog, and turtle. As silly as it sounds, my puffin, frog, and turtle are my co-writers on this site. They keep me sane and are on a similar journey in their own right.So I don't feel alone in being abandoned' in the real world.

In the end the Swan Princess with the help of her friends overcomes her fears of being the strong and courageous person to those on the outside as she was on the inside.Maybe the key is to sing a catchy song with random pond creatures....if only it were that easy.

In The Words of Charlie Brown…

I’ve decided to start a series of posts with inspiring quotes to help stimulate the mind and see the sunshine on a cloudy day. Today I have chosen Charlie Brown, a misunderstood genius. Here are some of my favorite words of wisdom from him.

10. “Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.”

9. “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.”

8. “There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.”

7. “There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader.” –Charlie Brown

6. “I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”

5. “My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?”

4. “I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.”

3. “Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”

2. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

1. “There is no greater burden than great potential.”

If you have any favorite inspirational books, quotes, or people feel free to share them.

C.R.E.A.M.

It has always been extremely hard for me to follow directions and take advice. I have the tendency to do things my way and do whatever I want. I had my heart set on teaching when I started college because that's what made me happy. Welp that didn't happen. I wanted to go to Howard and my father who's purse strings I was depending on refused to pay for Howard if I wanted to study education. He felt that I could go to UIC  or Chicago State which I had never even considered not even as safety schools. My heart had been set on Howard so I applied as a business major.

 Long story short my father did not keep his end of the bargain and I was stuck in a major I absolutely hated. It affected me mentally, physically, and my grades suffered. I supplemented my lack of education major by joining as many organizations involving early childhood education as possible. I volunteered and got jobs doing what I felt was my passion. I always got the side eye about business degree, but my passion outweighed the education. Eventually I graduated and got a job doing ECE even though my advisor referred me to every marketing job she could think of. Now in my current situation I wonder if I made the right choice.

I am not happy with my current work situation. When I first started it was great I was so excited to finally be doing what I wanted full time. After a few month though I maybe had a revelation and realized this was killing me. I couldn't stand my coworkers and my children started giving me migraines. My personality is even changing  I feel cynical and angry all the time.  I feel stuck because this job market is not the best and right now I have serious job security. The money is a big issue right now too. At first it was more than enough, but when those student loans and credit cards starting kicking in I was screwed. I've been looking for new jobs, but my frustration with my current situation is making me wonder if education was really what I wanted. I was happy in every other job I had, but this one has soured my feelings on children. I have the business degree and am beginning to wonder if that is really what I'm supposed to be doing. I have had interviews and offers outside for marketing position and then comes the inevitable question :"Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" I miss dressing up everyday like when I had marketing internships. I miss feeling challenged and not just having my patience tested. I'm over putting kids in time out and leaving work in tears from frustration and aggravation.

So now I have to decide what I really want. Do I still love children?  Is a new career worth the money? Will a change of setting bring me back to what I love? PGSD level 4

My Yellow Brick Road Isn’t Looking Like Dorothys'

I find it quite difficult to make decisions about my future. I feel like it is due to the fact that I have never been given the opportunity to make those decisions on my own. In some cases I understand why but now I’m left here standing alone confused. When it was time to decide what I high school I wanted to attend I thought I don’t want to go to any high school but since it’s a law to attend high school up until a certain age I want go where my crush at the time was going. The problem with that is that it was a private school and my mother did not want to pay that tuition which now I understand. At the time though I was not a happy camper. I ended up going to a college prep around where I lived.

High school was not my cup of tea. I did my work and did what I had to graduate. I tried my best to keep my personal completely separate which is why I only made a few friends, who I would do anything for now, and cant remember many other people other than them. When it came time to decide my next move, college was mandatory according to my family. I applied to three colleges. One was for the location (Xavier University), one was a safety (University of Illinois), and the other was my dream school (Spelman College). I got accepted to all of them, which opened my family up to their opinions. I knew where I was going, my dream school, until once again my mother decided where I would go. She chose my safety school because of the location and tuition. I understood the reasoning but my state of mind when I moved into my first dorm and looked at the students around me was “aint this a bunch of bullshit”. 

The University of Illinois and Spelman College were two completely different environments. The main three things that bothered me the most about the University of Illinois was the fact that it was huge, black people were hard to come by, and I had to see people from high school. My attitude about U of I never really changed, in fact it got worse. I was fine with partying but I had to go to class as well and that just wasn’t my thing. I was not motivated to attend classes that had 500+ students. I decided to stop being a science major and switch to art. The classes were smaller which gave room to get to know a the racists bastards and require me to listen to their racist comments. Don’t get me wrong, not everyone was like that but a lot of the ones who were grading and advising me were.

I became an art education major, which I enjoyed when I was around the right staff. I was required to take a teaching course where I was given two instructors and two advisors. The two advisors were who I dealt with when teaching and the two instructors decided my final grade. I was a junior at this point and knew that I would be staying two extra years if everything went as planned. When it came time to receive my final grade I was told that I would have to take the course over. Mentally I couldn’t handle it. The advisors and instructors would be the same and I would have to put up with the same bullshit. Never once had any said that I was not doing well despite meeting with them weekly. What really pissed me off was that I was the only black and my student partner was one of the two Hispanics in the course. Both of us were required to repeat the class. I knew it was not us, it was our advisors. She repeated the class but I refused to go through the same things that obviously didn’t work for me to begin with. I didn’t not want to go to that school in the first place and now I was told that I was being held back which would add an extra year to my already 6 year college plan.

I had become mentally broken and sunk into depression that I tried my best to hide. I cried nightly and could not take it anymore. One day towards the end of the semester I called my mom and told her that I was going to drop out because this is not what I wanted for my life, nothing that U of I offered was of interest to me and I was tired of being treated like little orphan Annie. The thing about my mom is that you don’t mess with her babies. She wasn’t going to take anyone messing with me and came down the following day. The advisors created a program for me that was art education but instead of being certified to teach everywhere I could only teach in private institutions. That was fine by me because I didn’t want to teach any longer, I just wanted to get the hell out.

May 2012 I crossed that stage. I ironically had to receive my diploma cover from the one who said I had to repeat the course. I put on the fakest smile and gave her a very limp handshake. After leaving U of I, I had two courses remaining to complete before they could mail my diploma. I had to take any education lecture course and Spanish 3. I took my education course online over the summer and I am currently finishing up my Spanish 3 class. In December I will be done with my association to the University of Illinois and can move the fuck on (and I mean every word of that).

2013 will bring me face to face with the real truth. I have a degree I don’t have any intention of using except for saying, “yea I graduated college, and it’s from a “great” school”. There are so many options and this time its all up to me to make the decide what’s next. I am interested in baking and event planning but I am also broke. I want to go to culinary school. I want find and event planning internship. I want to have money…I need to have money. Me sometimes working at a Department store does not cut it. I have no idea what to do. I owe close to $30,000 plus interest in students loans. I don’t need to take out more loans but what a few thousand more to actually attend a school that has what I am passionate about. With each path comes positives and negatives. I’m unsure of how to determine what path to take.

If I do decide to back to school for baking it wouldn’t be until the fall so I will be able to get financial assistance, which mean more loans. Until then I would need to do something temporary to occupy my time and help me. Working is an option but I need to be able to find something that gives me steady hours, unlike my current situation.

Instead of school I could find an event planning internship. The issue with that is that most of them are unpaid and require a lot of time that would prevent many from working else where. I also lack experience in the field compared to others I would be competing against for the position.

Then there’s the option of finding a full time job. I would be getting paid but I probably would not being doing anything I am interested in. It would help me save money for my move to Charlotte and allow me to begin paying off my student loans.

Three very different options that I’ve been looking at for awhile. I’m not sure what to do but I’m grateful it is my decision. I can’t blame anyone but myself for the results of my decision. As Spanish 3 comes to an end and the new year rapidly approaches I get more anxious. How does one simply choose a path that affect life so greatly? Maybe I’m over thinking things but I cant help but reflect on my past when trying to decide and it scares me.

Are You A Convenience Friend?

Convenience Friend: A person who is only around when it is easy and convenient for them. They are the people who, if not placed around us all the time, they wouldn't really be friends. They are usually used to do things for you, if you need a ride to and from school. They are basically friends who need you around when they need a favor, or when they are just so bored out of their minds that they would rather hang out with you than sit around all day, but they'd never put you first. (Thank you Urban Dictionary for the definition)

The older I get the more I look at those around me. I have never been someone so starved for attention that I need a large amount of friends mainly because it’s hard for me to trust any and everyone. I don’t need more than my two hands to count who I consider my best friends. The remaining people I talk are sometimes friends depending on my mood or intoxication but most of the time they are associates…and they are only that because we end up at events together through mutual friends or because we were in school together. I call these friends my friends of convenience.

I will support anyone because I know the importance of doing so. If you ask me to come to an event, I will as long as I am available. Ask me to purchase something, I will as long as the price is reasonable and I have paid for my necessities. Excuses are for the incompetent and I am tired of hearing them. What’s even worse than the excuses is the blatant ignoring of things. Not even being able to come up with an excuse shows your lack of care. I’m not sure what to think of our relationship and I’m not willing to put any energy into it when you don’t.

PGSD was started in order to express our feeling on life after college and daily trial and tribulations we face. There are so many others going through the same things and we want to be that outlet to help and entertain. In building this blog we have noticed that the people we consider friends are appearing to be more convenience friends. We always attend events and donate when we are able to no matter how spur of the moment things may be. Now that we are beginning our PGSD journey we are noticing simple things like liking a FB page, reading a post, or attending a FREE promotional event seems to be very difficult. We thank all those who have at least done one of those things but to the others what is the problem? I wont be petty and name names, but just know that you should not expect me to continue to support your events. “Friend” is not just a word it is a title that someone gives you because they trust and care about you. There’s a difference between being friends on a social network and personally having a friendship with someone. Its time to be honest and decide, am I a good friends and who is a good friend to me?

Walter Winchell once said, “A friend is one who walks in when others walk out”. I may see a lot of backs at the moment but I also see a number of fronts and I want to thank you all for the constant support.

When Social Networking Goes Horribly Wrong

Rant: used as a noun, an extravagant or violent declamation. It’s characterized by a lack of eloquence, impromptu speech, and sometimes belligerence. 

This is a rant. The reader is asked to excuse any disrespectful/judgmental language. Failure to do so will probably result in your own offended feelings, for which I cannot and will not be held accountable.

I have discovered that Social Networking sites are the worst. Especially for someone suffering from PGSD. Why? Because when you’re not sure about how your tomorrow’s going to look, you couldn’t care less about how somebody else’s today is going. Especially if that somebody else is somebody you haven’t spoken to in years, don’t care to speak to within the next few years, or feel that deep, deep down inside you ought to be doing better than. Yes, I know how that last part just sounded. You were forewarned.  Now, I may as well go ahead and make yet another disclaimer that I’m probably about to sound like a hater for a good portion, if not all, of this post. However, I am calling on two highly important facts: 1, Countless numbers of other people have written about how they don’t care about other people’s happiness when they feel like Time is nothing more than a perpetual state of doom. And they aren’t haters. Steve Jobs said it. Oprah said it. Need I say more? And 2, this isn’t that kind of post anyway.

Because Facebook is really the only Social Networking site that I visit regularly, my opinions are drawn primarily from it. I flat-out refuse to get a Twitter account, let alone actively use it. There are too many rules involved with Twitter; why the hell should I care about something trending? What the hell does that even mean? And the use of # makes no sense to me. Whenever I use that it’s to dial somebody’s telephone extension or to indicate a number. Now people are just using it to describe their exuberant state of being--#happytimes—or their dismal financial situation--#broke. I don’t get it. If it has to be restricted to 200 and some odd characters, maybe you shouldn’t be talking at all.

And then there’s Instagram, which I don’t even feel like addressing because I really don’t get that. Since when did pictures need to take on a life their own?

The problem is that people are being given the ability to put too much of their business out there far too easily. I miss the days when I didn’t know what was going on with people that I hadn’t seen since I was wearing Tommy Hilfiger jeans. I miss needing a venue or an event to bring us all together. I remember being a sophomore in high school looking forward to seeing what my peers would look/be like at our ten-year reunion. Now, all I have to do is check my minifeed for some grammatically-incorrect, indecipherable status about how happy they are with their four kids and “BD” (code for: baby daddy) snuggled up next to them. 

I just don’t care. I think that life is about meeting people, having them in your life for an allotted time, and then moving on. It’s like when a writer writes a story. Once a character has served his purpose, he exits stage left and never returns. And why doesn’t he return? Because the story has to continue and his unnecessary presence would prevent the story from progressing. To me, I’m not supposed to know how somebody that I haven’t spoken to in a year or so is doing. If we don’t talk now, it’s because we’re not supposed to. It’s because you were written out so that my story could continue on (likewise, I was written out of your story). And if we’re not talking, I shouldn’t know that you called off your wedding because you found out your fiancé cheated on you with your auntie (True story. Found that out courtesy of Facebook). These things shouldn’t be told to people whose phone numbers you no longer have/never had.

So forgive me if I happen to see that somebody that I haven’t talked to in a very long time is living it up, and I don’t care. Forgive the fact that I roll my eyes or have to resist the urge from commenting how much I don’t care. I don’t care about how great of a person you think you are because you got that job you wanted at Home Depot, and that your blessings are made evident by said employment. When you really think about it, it’s kind of messed up that somebody defines their blessings by a job anyway, but to each his own.

I just don’t care, and I don’t know why people think other people are supposed to care. I don’t know why people take Social Networking so seriously. When Facebook first asked: What are you doing? What are you thinking? I don’t think they literally wanted you to share your entire life story. I firmly believe that the Timeline was created to poke fun at everybody’s foolish over-sharing because, honestly, why should you have a metaphorical “Facebook Life” anyway?

The point of Social Networking is to stay in touch with people, not know everybody’s damn business, whether you want to or not. You’re not supposed to actually care about the people. The people whose lives and well-beings you care about are the ones that you still talk to. If I care about you, I’ll call you. I’ll text you. Hell, I’ll still have your number saved in my phone to do said calling and texting. I just feel like people rely too much on Social Networking. It’s how they examine and evaluate their existence, their relationships, their careers, their likes and dislikes, etc. And it’s gotten to the point where not having at least one account on one of these damn sites can hinder you in some aspect, whether it’s socially or economically (gaining employment, for instance). Being connected to the Social Network experience has become an expectation, a way of life. And to me, that’s just a

#damnshame.

These Hoes Be Acting Up.

I’ve never understood why women get mad at the women their dude or ex is interested in. Sometimes we focus way too much energy on an issue or assumption that we cannot control. A situation recently occurred that made me realize that no matter how old we get some people are stuck in their juvenile ways of handling situations.

I was Facebook messaged by a girl who was involved with a guy I am talking to (see Ooooo This Bitch is Shaking the Table). She sent me several lengthy messages in all caps calling me all kinds of names and threatening me. I have never blatantly disrespected her or called her out of her name. I haven’t even personally met her and don’t plan to either. Despite me never replying to any of the messages she continued to send them. My question is why are you coming to me? You don’t know me, we may have crossed paths once or twice, without me knowing, but that’s it. Your emotionally invested rants need to be directed to whom they are about.

The last time I fought over the internet was only once and it was right before I began high school. I don’t plan on ever doing that again because it is pointless.  I will admit when I had first read the messages I tried my best to laugh them off but I became extremely angry due to the lack or reasoning for them.

Ladies AND Gentlemen (fellas y'all do it too), if you have a problem go directly to the source. Aiming your emotional rants at someone who has no formal relationship with you will leave you wanting more. I was upset but I woke up the next morning happy because the only complaint I had was about someone I don’t know. What’s the point?! Communication is necessary but make sure you are communicating to the right person. You will get a lot more satisfaction in knowing there is a chance that person actually cares.

Please Save Our Children

I am 23 years old, and I realize that I am officially old as hell. I was on the bus the other day, and a boy who looked like he was about the same age as my sister sat next to me. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I look young, but I don’t think I look like I could be my sister’s age. That’s being a little dramatic. Anyway, he sits down and attempts to court me (and just from using the word “court,” I have further dated myself). After he finishes his shpill about the high school at which he’s currently a junior and how he was “on his way to the studio” because he was an up-and-coming rapper, I heard myself utter words I never thought would come out of my mouth at the age of 23, “Boy, I’m too old for you.” For a second, I thought my mother was there until I realized that it really was me talking. I sounded like her. And it didn’t stop there. I went on to semi-lecture him (it wasn’t really a semi-lecture so much as a full-blown lecture, but I’m calling it semi to feel better about myself). I asked how he was doing in school, encouraged him to apply to college, asked what his favorite subject in school was, etc. All of these were questions that my mother would ask.

The boy responded favorably to my lecturing, which I know was only under the motivation of me breaking the law and getting with him. And by favorably, I mean he didn’t cuss me out like I thought he would do because that seems to be what all these damn kids like to do. He did, however, have a rebuttal for everything I told him. “College is too expensive.” My response: scholarships, grants, and loans can take care of that. “Nobody in my family went to college.” My response: do you want to be like everybody in your family, or do you want more? “College takes too long.” To that, I had no response. For two reasons, my stop was next and I was taken aback by his statement. I got up from the seat and encouraged him to at least consider college. Then I got off the bus. As I made my way home, I couldn’t help but question: Do these kids really see college as if it’s some long, drawn-out prison sentence? And if so, when the hell did that happen?

I grew up seeing college as a necessity. If you listen to my sister talk about college, it sounds more like a financial death trap. Even though she knows she’s going because she really has no other choice, she sees college as a short vacation for which you will immediately pay. And don’t even mention Post Graduate studies to her. She may reach across the table and slap the taste out of your mouth. But I can’t help but sort of wish that I had looked at college under the same critical eye. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t have gone, but I would have been more cognizant of life after if I had.

When I mentioned to my sister what the boy on the bus told me, she said she kind of agreed. “It does take a long time just to get a piece of paper that won’t guarantee you a job right away.” My sister and the boy from the bus are fortunate enough to be investigating their post high school options during a period of great joblessness, high graduation statistics, and incredible loan deferment/delinquency numbers. These are the hot topics that surround them every day, so they have no other choice but to be aware and form an opinion.

Still, it hurts my heart to hear such negativity spewed from my little sister’s lips about higher education. It stings just a bit when we have conversations about what schools she’s contemplating applying to, and the first thing she comments on is a school’s tuition before she even thinks about the program. For her, determining the worth of college can only be measured monetarily, and that makes me a little disappointed. I attempt to reason with her that a school like University of Kentucky may be more affordable, but if it doesn’t have what you want and are interested in, is it really worth four years of your life (she really did mention the University of Kentucky)? Because I went to the schools that I wanted to go to, I had the best experiences I possibly could have had. I’ve grown immensely, learned how to take care of myself, how to take care of others, and I fell in love with learning. The short end of the stick is that they cost a pretty penny and all my pennies are ugly. But that’s okay. Uncle Sam can’t take away the experience.

I thank God my sister and I are close, and that she can’t seem to make a decision on anything without coming to me first because I’d be really afraid of what she would do with her life. But my sister is fortunate enough to have someone older to help steer her thinking in a different direction. The boy from the bus doesn’t. So I say we reach out to these crazy kids and get them to change their value systems. Until that day on the bus, I hadn’t realized just how different teenagers are from us 20-somethings. Despite the not-so-big age gap between us and them, they view things in an entirely different way than we do. While it can have its advantages, for the most part, their ideals are pretty messed up. Somebody help these babies.

Club Observations

I am not a big fan of going to club for several reasons most of them listed here. No matter what club you got to you will witness at least one of these offenses 

- Walking around too much. This is not a museum or a state fair. Why must you constantly walk around squeezing past people especially when it is hot and crowded. Pick somewhere and enjoy the music! Dance or drink. Did you pay to run laps or twerk in the name of the saints?

-Excuse me ma'am I can see your vagina. Your dress is a centimeter from your butt cheek cleavage and you insist on bending over. Everyone has a clear few of you birth canal. My lack of interest in your fallopian tubes causes me to wonder if you are doing this on purpose. Well don't get mad when some drunkard gives you a free pap smear.

-20 guys at a table with one bottle. Table service at a club is an extreme up-charge so if you can't afford it don't do it. All of you put in $10 to share one bottle of Ciroc that you only get  thimble of because so many people are trying to split it. Everyone is passing around the bottle to take pics for Instagram showing how "ballin" they are. Yea ok. Also, why are there no women at the table. Just the he-man woman haters club taking sips from the same glass.

-Why are you wear sunglasses and a jacket in a hot, dark club. You do not look cool you look like a douche...or the unibomber. In the words of Pimp C "take that monkey shit off"

-Since when is the club a date? You are cuddled up in the corner with your beloved while gaggles of half naked women and men in flashy jewelry trot past attempting to catch you and your significant others eye. One of you is going to look and that is going to lead to a fight. Why don't you just go out with your friends, grind on some unsuspecting stranger, have a few drinks, then go home to your loved one happy that you don't have to wade through the pool of commoners in a dark, sweaty club. You won't find love in this hopeless place.   

No excuses November fitness challenge

Here at PGSD we are all about *diddy voice* preserving our sexy. We believe in being the best you possible be that a size 2 or a size 24, but its all about being healthy. There is no reason to put off improving your health until next Monday or the beginning of the month. Start it today! It is now No Excuses November meaning there is absolutely no reason for you to put down the chicken wing (delicious as it may be) and making a conscious effort to care about your health.

 I don't believe in diets I believe in lifestyle changes. The first step is changing the way you eat. You cannot exercise away bad eating. Keep a food journal. Write down every bite you eat. This makes you more aware of what and how much you are eating a day.It feels much better to see an orange in your journal at snack time than a poptart. Also, increase your water intake. Water is good for you and I don't understand people who say they don't drink it. Guess what I'm sure your piss smells like ammonia and your face looks like a chinese checker board. Water is a key ingredient to your body's health. a great idea is to get a gallon jug and label it in two hour increments. This will help you to stay hydrated and monitor your water intake. It takes time to break old habits especially when it comes to food. NO EXCUSES!

Healthy food does not have to be boring. This delicious, quick, yet balanced meal consist of spinach, aparagus, shrimp, broccoli, and quinoa with sauteed peppers and onions. Everything is baked or grilled and damn delicious. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Portion control is also key. Even if its good for you overeating leaves you uncomfortable and gassy. That is not apart of Mission: Walking Sex God.

Exercise is a major key in changing your life. Your body wants to move! You don't have to be some juice head who spends 20 hours a day in the gym shrinking his dick into oblivion, but you can get your ass off the couch. Just by taking a few small steps you can see a change in your body. Start out with:

*10 jumping jacks
*10 squats
*10 crunches
*jumping rope for 30 seconds
* 15 second plank

This plan is a starting point  for someone who does not work out at all. If you know you can start out with bigger quantities do it! Each day add 5-10 more to each set. So if you do 10 jumping jacks  on Monday do 15-20 on Tuesday. You will see a change in your body and your endurance in a few short weeks. Don't say you don't have time, this wont take more than 15 minutes. 15 minutes won't kill you, but diabetes might.

Don't wait until the New Year to take charge and change your life. Look amazing before then and start off the year at your best. NO EXCUSES!

Top 5 Most Played on iTunes

What are the top 5 most played songs on your iTunes playlist?

Oh goodness…it was probably the opposite of a good thing for me to agree to do this because it makes me realize how not hard or gangster I am. Damn.

Well, here goes, my top 5 most played songs on iTunes:

5: “You’re the One” by Dondria (81 plays)
4: “Hate On Me” by Jill Scott, but the Glee version (84 plays)
3: “Sure Thing” by Miguel (93 plays)
2: “All I Want is You” by Miguel (110 plays)
1: “Adorn” by Miguel (157 plays)

Can you guess who my favorite artist is? The rest of my Top 25 most played songs goes on to include Adele, more Miguel, Jazmine Sullivan, Beyonce and Kirk Franklin…I will stop pretending that I am cold as stone from now on. I am far more of a romantic and sensitive soul than I let on. For the second time, I repeat, damn. I really am a Cancer. Don't get it twisted though, I'll cuss you out if need be. 



My iTunes is a mash up of genres and emotions. I go from Florence and the Machine to Yo Gotti. Every song has a purpose. Be it working out or grocery shopping I always have my iPod or iPhone with me providing a soundtrack to my life. 

5.  "Me and My Old School" by Big K.R.I.T (118 plays)
4. "The Break Up Song" by Wale (138 plays)
3. "Neighborhood Hoes" by Freddie Gibbs (149 plays)
2. "Thinkin Bout You" by Frank Ocean (248 plays)
and drumroll please
1. "The Last Song" by Iggy Azalea (259 plays)

I remember having this Iggy song on repeat. It samples one of my favorite songs and the story is def something I can relate to. I love Frank Ocean so my top 25 is heavy with him. I didn't go through a break upI just really love this song. I'm surprised Beyonce didn't appear. Love Marsha Ambigkneesus but she puts me in my feelings. 


5. "She Said OK" by Big Boi and Theophilus London
4. "Home" by Phillip Phillips
3. "Price Tag" by The Barden Bellas (yes from Pitch Perfect....no I do not care about your judgement)
2. "Do You" by Miguel
1. "Cockiness" by Rihanna


So My iTunes situation is sad b/c most of my music is on my computer being fixed. Thus why I have listed my Spotify top five played. Look, when I tell you this surprised me as much as you, I mean it. However, it does reflect a little of what gets me going on a daily basis. I can twerk a little something, cry to a little something, and at the same time, each song is a little bit of me. So on a daily I get my life.

I'm a party girl with a soft spot. My top 5 most played on iTunes definitely shows that.

5: "Pillow Talkin" by Tyga (136 Plays)
4: "Im So Gone" by FLY ft Roscoe Dash (147 Plays)
3: "Heart Attack" by Trey Songz (156 Plays)
2: "Shot Me Down" by Travis Porter (162 Plays)

1: "Refill" by Elle Varner (181 Plays)

Refill is my most played due to the fact that it came out when I was smitten with a certain gentleman. My feelings were being sung beautifully and I kept it on repeat for at least a month. Its still a jam along with the rest of the album. I will be seeing her in concert December 1st alongside Trey Songz and I will definitely be excited when she performs this live!

Chipotle was served at the Last Supper

Look. These are my beliefs. Deal. 

I started my weight loss journey OFFICIALLY about a month ago. In that time, I have gone through many different fads/diets/apps to help me lose weight. Needless to say none of them worked as I Popeyes Drive-Thru'd my way to the largest I have ever been. To be perfectly honest, its nothing unmanageable. Just a clear combination of laziness and access to too much fast food. 

However, I have over the past month made the conscious decision to do better, not just for my waistline, but to FEEL better. So far I am down 15 lbs! *pause for 2 Chainz dance break* Its not that much and I am honestly probably the only person, besides my scale, that can tell, but knowing that gives me an extra skip in my step. I want all of you, our readers, to feel that way. So I have compiled my recipe for 'How to lose 15 pounds'

Elliptical-30 Minutes

Treadmill-30 Minutes

Ab Crunch-5 reps of 10

Arm Press-5 reps of 10

Leg Curl-5 reps of 10

Now it is important to note that muscle confusion is the key to workout weight loss. That is why I only recommend this for the first 10 pound loss. Get creative, and add reps as you go along in your journey. Since I am still losing, I am still working on the second steps. Make sure throughout the workout to drink half your body weight in ounces daily, and keep your eyes on the prize! Hopefully this simple workout routine will give you the pep to continue on. 

Ooooo This Bitch is Shaking the Table

You think you know yourself until something shakes the table. In the words of  K. Michelle, “don’t shake the table unless you ready to get shook.” That Love and Hip-hop ATL moment has little to do with this post but the point is my life got shook. In the last 2 years there has been someone who has made me realize things about myself that I am finally allowing myself to admit.

When I was younger I never believed in astrology. Why should when I was born decide my personality? As I got older it became more apparent how true it was. I am a Gemini, which seems to explain why I am laidback, adaptable, social, unpredictable, inquisitive, inconsistent, and emotionally closed off (which is the reason I’ve been called an asshole more than once...or twice). I am learning how to express myself more honestly and in doing so I have learned to accept my true feelings.

A little over 2 years ago I was introduced to a guy who physically was my type. That’s all that I really focused on until we began to talk more frequently. I was still in school, which made me keep my distance from him because I have never been of fan of long distance relationships even if its only 2 hours. He didn’t have a car and I surely wasn’t going to be driving back and forth.

*Before I go any further I know at some points I may sound like a complete asshole but I did explain why and I am working on it so no shaking of the heads. Please and thank you.*

Anyway I tried to keep my distance to protect my feelings as he continued to become what seemed like more emotionally involved. As time went on we kept talking and I began to notice a girl writing on his Facebook page. The things she would say seemed stalker-like but emotionally driven as if they were in a relationship. His lacks of attention to it made me assume that she was crazy so I tried my best not to pay attention to it and although I tried, I was jealous. (I will never say that in person to anyone so screen shot this) My jealously about the situation led me to showing anger towards him without giving a reason.

At some point, not sure how long it had been since we had first met, I realized that the crazy girl wasn’t just crazy. They were forming a relationship. My response was to cut all ties with him, which was very difficult because we have mutual friends and still ended up at the same events. I continued to have an attitude towards him because that was all the emotion I was willing to show.

The last time I saw him was early in this year, which was a complete disaster. We argued a lot and I was a complete jerk. I brushed it off and we hadn’t spoken until last month. He added me as a FB friend and I responded with a message (instead of simply adding him) asking why he added me. That led to us having a phone conversation discussing everything. I explained that him starting a relationship with someone else was the reason for my horrible attitude and he apologized. For some reason he was under the impression that I wasn’t very interested in him. Not sure how he got that from my over affectionate personality.

After that talk I was happy I had finally explained my attitude but I failed to explain how I felt about him currently. He is the only person I have really been intrigued by, physically and emotionally. My mother even likes him for me. The problem is that no one takes me seriously. I prefer to tell people how I think I should be feeling rather than how I am really feeling which just leads to no one taking me seriously when I say certain intentions.

My frustrations boiled over this past weekend when I realized he is who I want, but I won’t allow myself to have him. Although he is unhappy in his current situation she is smitten, to a point of obsession. Deep down I don’t want to hurt anyone in order to make myself happy. Despite the fact that she has said disrespectful thinks about me, even though we have never met in person, I don't want to step outside of my character in order to step down to her level. I can’t guarantee that him and I would work out anyway. Going back to astrology, Geminis and Scorpios have not had the best success rate in relationships, but if I was ever given the opportunity to give it a try, I would. Life is about taking risks and learning from them. I’m learning about myself in hopes of becoming a better person.

Sexfax

Sexfax may refer to: about sex history.

Sexfax (company), a website with a persons sex history information.

Do guys assume every young female is sexually active and willing to give them a try?! Or do I just look that way? (that better not be the answer) Every guy I come in contact with either is obvious, lacking all types of game or wants to be friends and then attempt to go in for the kill.

This is why I wish a Sexfax system existed. Things would be so much easier. I need for people to realize that everyone is not the same and how you attract one person is not how you are going to attract the next. It would also be nice to know who I am dealing with. What is the guys track record? Do you sleep with any and every thing or do you have standards? 

If you truly knew me, or asked, you would find out that my Sexfax history is damn near clear. Your chance of doing anything with me is about the same as finding Bin Laden, yeah they found him but how long did that take? Stop assuming all females are alike because you will eventually be disappointed and mad.

I don’t care about what you want or "need" because I care about my body and my standards are high. Im a very carefree person who just wants to enjoy life which is why I believe guys may assume im open to giving them want they want or why Ive been told by people that they are surprised I am not pregnant or a mommy yet, but why should my fun personality be the reason I spread my legs. I enjoy life but also feel like I have a right to be conservative in certain situations. I don’t force my lifestyle on anyone and I would hope others would do the same. I like to drink and dance you don’t have to. You like to have sex frequently and have had multiple partners, I don’t. To each’s own.

Vote yes for Sexfax! Im tired of dealing with the questions and assumptions.