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It's Not You, It's Me.

(Okay...it might be a little bit of you as well but it's not your fault.)

FaceBook and I are not doing so well. This can't be an "only me" problem so I thought I would share. Senior year of high school is when I first joined the social network. It was new and everyone was excited about it. Tagged was played out and MySpace was getting weird. This is how the story went...

So here I am today, scrolling through my newsfeed unamused and wondering how I can fix this. My solution? Make a new page. Duh! I did and realized how boring my page was. All my pictures weren't there, all my friends were not added yet because I could not remember everyone, and I was back at square one, unsatisfied. So in an attempt to fix my problem yet again, I decided to delete friends from my old page. After about 10 minutes maybe 20 people were unfriended. Did you know that every time you unfriend a person the page has to refresh? Yeah it's the most agonized task ever. So I gave up on that and ended up here...writing this post. I know someone is reading this and saying just get off FaceBook all together. To that I say "No *insert grumpy cat face here*". I am on FaceBook for the entertaining group chats (the stickers are amazing on FB Messenger) with my favorite people and to be able to go down memory lane when I'm feeling nostalgic. I guess this summer will have be...

This relationship will be repaired and I will be happy. I don't want to be friends with couples, entertainers, party promoters, young bucks, catfishers, graduates of Hustle University, or game and interest group addicts. Im taking back my newsfeed and I encourage you to do the same. You don't have to suffer. It will get better.

Cruel Summer

Summer is quickly approaching so that means beaches and vacations galore. Swim suits will be in full effect and the agonizing task of finding the perfect one starts now. Since you can find a bikini in a size 10 and under virtually anywhere I decided to aid everyone else in their search for the perfect suit. Every body is a beach body.


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I did not care for the bottom that accompanies this top. It did not really embody my idea of high waisted. Thanks to the multi colors you can mix and match it with almost any bottom.


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I love this cover up. It can go from pool side to the casino easily.


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Plus size blogger GabiFresh created a line of plus size swimsuits that are absolutely amazing. Unfortunately the Galaxy two piece is sold out.





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Serve up an ole nasty piece of Annette Funicello this summer and find your summer romance.



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The cut on this suit and the ruching in the tummy is perfection.



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This suit is everything I tell you everything!



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This scuba style suit is so creative a beautiful. If you don't want to show your arms this is perfect.

Standing in your season

According to Merriam-Webster a season is a time characterized by a particular circumstance or feature. We are familiar with the seasons of weather, where nature either blooms or frosts, it is easy to determine those, and something we were all taught from childhood. However, can you define the seasons of your life?

People, places and things come into your life for a season. Very few remain permanent, however, what is important is that you differentiate a season from a lifetime.

You stand in seasons, as they help you define your life.

What exactly do I mean ‘standing in seasons’? Allow me to explain. Every season has to be weathered. Be it a good or bad job, good or bad relationship, or living situation. A season is that time period where you are exactly where you should be, to help you grow into what you will be.

It isn’t always easy to be where you are. It is quite easy to be antsy about life or try to advance before your time. Why? Because you think you belong there. You think you deserve something, or someone. It is often confused with ambition. However, throughout your season you start to notice how things fall together.

In the spring, the rain comes and brings the bloom. In autumn the trees lose their leaves and the ground hardens. Life’s seasons are no different. There will be times where things are just extraordinarily good. There will also be times where things are horribly wrong. Its how you weather or ‘stand’ in your season that counts. Just like nature’s seasons, we adapt to wearing coats or flip flops, same with life’s seasons. You will start to realize what needs to be done to get the promotion or job you want that will take you from that entry-level position. You will start to see people’s true colors, and be able to weed out the good from the bad.

Life’s seasons are temporary. They change all the time, however, when the change comes, the way you stood in your last season will determine your success in the next. So my encouragement today is no matter where you are in this walk of life, remember that everything happens for a reason and you are being prepared for the next level. So stand happily in that season, and wait for the next.

“The best is yet to come”- Somebody

Opinions are like....well you know

I find myself telling people this or at least wanting to quite frequently. Especially when it comes to my life decisions. Since it was Mother's Day everyone felt it necessary to wish me this as I passed them on the street. My response was either "don't you put that on me Ricky Bobby" or stare them down. In church several people decided to question why I was not a wife or mother yet.

 I honestly pity those who feel that is the main priority for all women. Yes one day I will put on a big white dress and sign over my freedom...just not anytime soon. I have my own thoughts on children, but that's a three page post in itself. There is happiness to be found in love and family, but why do  have to find it now? There is a world of opportunity waiting for me as an educated twenty something in America and I plan to explore all of it. 

I somehow entered into a conversation with someone who has been teaching for a long time and I was explaining to her the problems I am currently facing. She began questioning why I would even work with small children. You know all those high school kids who can't read well of course they can't because they didn't have anyone to guide them in their formative years. You're welcome. Ma'am I really just wanted a letter of recommendation. 

The best thing you can do for someone is to just listen. Not everyone needs a lecture just to get things are their chest. 

Rut 101

Lately I’ve been in rut. Nothing has been wholly bad, but it hasn’t been all that fantastic either. My life has just been a little lackluster. It’s like I’m missing something. I’d like to think that I’m not the only person that goes through this, that I’m not the only person that has these moments where I feel like I’m on an island with population one—me; in just this one case, I hope that I’m not unique. So what have I been doing to assuage this solitude? Well, a variety of things. Some are healthy ways to deal and others not so much. But I’m human, and life is all about balance. So here’s how I’ve been coping. SN: To save myself from appearing to be a slightly neurotic and unhealthy emotional person, I’ve indicated “unhealthy” and “healthy” next to each.

• Closed myself off from the outside world. This includes being short during conversations, avoiding gatherings, staying as far away from Social Media as I possibly can, and wearing a permanent scowl on a sunglasses-adorned face. Unhealthy.
• Listening to music artists that make me smile and believe momentarily that I am in a studio session with Pharell, Babyface, or Vincent Herbert. Healthy.
• Working out until I am literally dripping sweat and I feel like the only thing that is keeping my legs moving is gravity or some other higher force. Healthy.
• Making plans. And then cancelling said plans because I just want to be in the house. First part, healthy. Second part, falls under the whole closed off thing…unhealthy.
• Reading magazines, watching Fashion Police, marathons of Sex and the City and NBA playoff series games. Totally healthy.
• Shopping. Healthy.
• Spending too much money from said “healthy shopping.” Unhealthy.
• Playing in my makeup. Healthy.
• Reaching out to friends to talk. Healthy.
• Getting testy when friends aren’t available to talk and then ending up being rude to them. Unhealthy.
• Crying. My mom would call this healthy, I don’t.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• HEALTHY.
• Going to bed early. Healthy.
• Going to bed early because I want the day to be over with and then sleeping all day. Unhealthy. 

And there we have it. My list of things that I’ve been doing to get myself out of my rut. I’ll be the first to admit that this list needs a little help. But like I said, I’m human. Making this list has actually helped me to figure out the best ways for me to personally cope when I’m in a rut. And, ironically enough, it’s actually taken me out of it a little bit. So if you’ve got time, sit down and make a quick list of all the things you do when you’re feeling down for no reason (or for a reason you don’t/can’t admit or figure out). Be honest about all the things you do—the healthy things and the unhealthy things. And the next time you’re in a rut, refer to the list. Remind yourself of all the things that you normally do when you’re feeling down. I bet you’ll laugh at it, think you’re pathetic, do one or more of the things on the list, find something to do that isn’t on the list, or do some combination of all of those things.

The worst thing about being in a rut is that feeling you get of complete lack of self control. It’s like the rut controls everything you do and feel. With your already-compiled list, it’s like being one step ahead of the rut. You already know how it operates so even if you’re feeling down, you get to control what you do, how you’re going to feel during whatever you do and the consequence that it’s going to have. Not that damn rut. I think I may have stumbled on to something. Hmmm.

Let me know if this is as genius as I think it is.

It's August.

Last year when I went to New Orleans for Essence Festival 2012 I was so excited when I stumbled upon this artist. I was listening to the radio getting ready to head out of the hotel to attend one of the concerts. One song in particular caught my attention. It wasn't the typical New Orleans bounce music or mainstream urban music. I waited to leave my room in hopes that the DJ would say who it was. I was so glad when he said it was August Alsina because I knew he was going to become my new favorite underground singer. After the trip I began doing my research on who August was. I followed him on Twitter, liked, FaceBook page, and began to download all of his music. Listening to him made me smile every time because is voice was so smooth and different. Over time I got to figure out who he was and what he wanted musically and I was in love. 

He started as a YouTube singer 6 years ago. He would cover different songs that were popular at that time. He recently signed with Def Jam and is currently working with The Dream for his album. But while he is working on an album he is always releasing new music both covers and original. This week he released The Product 2. The songs aren't your typical R&B ballads because he isn't your typical R&B artist. He is very "New Orleans'. The streets are never far from his lyrics. He sings things you would normally here from rappers. It's refreshing to listen to someone singing about real life oppose to only sex and love. At only 20 years old Im so excited to see where he goes from here.

From this...

to this...

Download The Product 2

Bio

YouTube

Twitter

Website

A Mile in HIS Mocassins

I honestly think my faith in humanity is waning. I like to see the good in every person, including those who look most sinister. Some call it naivety, but my role on this Earth is not to judge. The reason being, I don’t know that person’s story. I don’t know if they have had a bad day, or if life has handed them a particularly bad hand. However, what I do know is that I always try to help those in need without judgment.

This is not the case for everyone, and I get it there are a lot of people in this world, who will do what he or she can get away with. Particularly when it comes to panhandling. So people are less inclined to donate, or help out their fellow man in the fear that they’re being ‘swindled’.

Terribly enough, Chicago is an epicenter for homelessness. With many thousands of homeless people occupying our streets every night. These are people without a bed, change of clothes, proper shoes, or even proper outerwear for the harsh winter reality. Seeing homeless people, it is tough for us to even fathom, not having a warm place to lay our heads, however this is the reality for many people in one of the most popular cities in America.

This is the case for the life of Ronald Davis. I was extremely touched by his story as told on YouTube a couple of weeks ago. In the short series, Ronald reveals he is homeless and living on the streets of the city. He depends solely on the generosity of others to live. Shaking a cup on one of the city’s streets Mr. Davis is subject to the weather conditions, and the startling cruelty of humanity. People heckle him on a daily basis or ignore his presence altogether. As a human being, place yourself in Mr. Davis’ shoes. Regardless of the history behind how he ended up on the streets, he is still a human being, who deserves to be treated as such. I do not see how people can just walk right past someone who is crying out for help. A person who clearly is down and out, and just wants a little change to eat that day. Yet, I see it everyday. People who ignore the homeless or preach at them about finding a job, or doing something with their lives. Nothing boils my blood more than these people. You never know that person’s tale of how they ended up on the wrong side of a happy story, nor do you really know how far you are from being in their shoes.

Life can be changed completely in an instant; It is terribly unpredictable. However, one thing you can bet your money on is no matter what walk of life a person is from, they expect to be treated with respect. It is simply human nature. So next time you see a homeless person, reply at least; wish them well, or give the pocket change you’ll completely forget about ever having. Since Ronald’s story went viral, there has been an outpouring of support and people helping him to get off the streets. I only hope this will get the ball rolling on the decrease of the homeless population in Chicago. My faith in humanity? We’ll see.

It's A Small World After All.

What's the worst part of moving back home after school? Moving back home after school. Not because of the living situation or job search struggle but because of who is there. In school I made connections but made sure they stayed at school. Home? I left for a reason and that reason wasn’t so I can be missed more. It’s as if someone sounded the alarm and yelled I was home, THEN proceeded to pass out weekly schedules of where I would be. Have you caught on yet? I’m talking about exes (boyfriends and special “friends”). The longer I’ve been home, the more guys from my past I’ve come into contact with. While they want to chat it up and rekindle old flames I’m looking for the nearest exit. I’m friendly when I’m bored and my little black book shows that. They don’t get the hint though, even when I say (literally) “I’m not interested in starting anything back up”. They think I’m joking. Nope, I’m not. Can you please just stay back there where I left you. There are only two guys that I understand why they are still around and that is because I entertain the idea. The rest of you need not reapply. What makes this situation even worse is the fact that even if I don’t run into an ex, I meet someone new with the same looks and/or personality. Is this big city really that small that I can only meet guys that remind of other guys or am I a magnet for these “you were fun for a while” guys? I am thoroughly convinced this city breeds the same type of guy, which is all the more reason for me to move as soon as possible. Le sigh.

Right At Your Doorstep.

So I've discussed how you can get a runway look for less, now I want to give you some ideas on how to get beauty products for less. From hair to makeup to polish, here are some companies that send you your favorite and soon-to-be favorite products.

CurlBox.

Curly headed girls, this is for you. CurlBox helps you explore curly hair products. If you're like me, you are always buying new hair care products trying to find the best ones for your hair. I have way too many products just sitting in my bathroom because they did nothing for my hair. You don't want to get rid of them because they were way too expensive to just toss because they couldn't get rid of the frizz or made your hair too heavy. CurlBox will send you a box of hair care samples every month. It's $20 a month and you can cancel at anytime. The downside is that the company is so popular there's a waiting list to join. So if you're a curly headed girl looking for better products I suggest to hop on the waiting list soon. It doesn't hurt to try this at least once.

Fellas, there's a curlbox for men coming soon. Hop on the mailing list to receive more information. You need to keep your curls in order as well. You're welcome in advance.

Beauty Box 5.

If you love buying beauty products just to try something new the Beauty Box 5 is the company for you.  For $12 a month you can receive 4-5 beauty product samples like makeup, lotions, perfume, etc. Once again you can cancel at anytime so there is no commitment. 

Julep.

Can't keep your nails the same color for longer than a week? Become a Julep Maven. For $20 a month you will receive a box with a few polishes plus an additional beauty product like mascara. You take a quick style quiz so they can get an idea of what you might like, then they place you in one of the four groups pictured above. I was placed in the bombshell group so that would be an example of what I would receive. 

Ipsy.

Makeup lovers! Become and ipster. You can receive a makeup bag monthly for just $10. Ipsy will send you a makeup bag monthly and also email you videos from some of your favorite YouTube makeup artists that will help you create looks using the products in your bag. This is meant for makeup lovers of all levels. No clue what to use for what, the videos will help you out. Just want new ideas to recreate, you can do that too. The products are all popular brands like Kiehl's, Urban Decay, MAC, and many more. 

Here are a few more companies offering similar subscriptions...

Glossy Box: $21 a month. Box filled with a range of beauty samples. 

Birch Box: $10 a month. Beauty and lifestyle products fill the sample boxes.

Beauty Fix: $49.99 per box. Unlike the other companies Beauty Fix gives you regular size products.

The summer is a great time to have some fume with you beauty regime. Try one of these out and let PGSD know how it went. I'm sure other readers are curious about your experiences.

(Don't forget about the gold box on the right. Send us tips, ideas, questions, and comments anonymously.)

Theme Song.

My fellow PGSD girls already know what my theme song is. Thank you, Cow from the Real California Cow commercial for introducing me to it. My life is forever changed. This song makes me giggle and yet also empowers me. And the cow sings it with such...well...swagger jagger as the song's title says, that you just feel it. So if you haven't had a chance to see the video, two things: 1, you're clearly lacking in the swagger jagger department and 2, you HAVE to see this commercial! After you watch it, you can listen to the real Cher Lloyd song, but I promise you, it'll pale in comparison to the Cow's.

Watch the commercial here:

My theme song would be...Im not really sure. It would be happy, quirky, and put me in a great mood. I attempted to put something together that would be the blueprint to my theme song but I got bored of figuring it out. So here is what I have so far and hopefully you can get some sort of idea of what I want in a theme song. 

This question was particularly hard for me. I settled on Fergie's song Labels or Love. If you give me the choice between the two...welp lets just say Christian Louboutin is my dream hubby. Everything about this song is me. "No emotional baggage just big bags filled with Dior/ ima shop for labels while these ladies lay and wait for love". On top of that its featured on one of my favorite movies, "Sex and the City".

A Love Story, Tried and...True?

The hopeless, hapless romantic in me has always wanted a romantic love story. I wanted the intensity of a love so strong and so overwhelming that it could put the most romantic love story to shame. A love story for the ages. Growing up my favorite romantic comedy was When Harry Met Sally, and for a long time (basically my whole entire life), I fashioned my relationships after that. When my relationships fell flat one by one, however, I started to believe that those sort of love stories weren’t real. I became a tried and true cynic, denying the little princess that lives inside of me the permission to squeal with glee when Ally shrugs at Noah and runs into his arms at the end of The Notebook. And I have to say, minus a few drunken slip ups, I’ve stayed pretty true to my cynical façade. Until now…

Everybody has that one person. Whether you’ve met them already or will in the future, every single one of us has that one person that we are drawn to for some reason. They can put you through Hell, you can vow to never speak to them again, but when your phone buzzes and their number (which even though you’ve deleted from your phone, you know by heart) pops up, you have to respond. My person is the man that I wrote about earlier in the blog post, “Like Wine.” It’s funny when I read that back to myself. Although the post is raw with my truth, I can see my areas of masking, attempting to deny myself the very real love that I have for him. But in my ability to see that, I can pat myself on the back for having grown because back then, I couldn’t see it.

My ex and I did (or rather, do) have a love story. It has the romance, heartbreak, longing to be with someone but X,Y, and Z are not in place so it feels impossible—all that stuff combine to make a true love story. Have we conquered the odds yet? No. Will we? It’s too soon to tell. But I know that what I asked for my whole life, I received. Real, tangible, unrelenting, reach-for-the-stars-over-the-moon-world-series kind of love (yes, that last part is a tribute to my childhood obsession with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen circa “It Takes Two”).

I became a cynic because I never expected the kind of pain that I received from my love story. And once in pain, I never believed that I could feel the profound appreciation and joy that I now feel post-pain. So I cut myself off from romance, classifying it as an impossible ideal. I think that’s what we all do when we are given what we’ve always wanted, but it’s not gift-wrapped quite the way we anticipated it being. Unexpected pain and hardship can harden us. I’ve only ever met one person who’s never been hardened by heartbreak, who remained a true romantic until her very last day, and that was my departed best friend.

I am no longer rocked too much by pain, and I work hard not to let it devalue or trivialize the gifts (especially those that I’ve specifically asked for) that I receive. My ex and I may never get married or grow old together or write down our story and read it to each other and our kids (even though he’s suggested that we do), but at least I know that I did get the real-life intense love story that I dreamt of as a kid. And the best part of it is that something tells me it’s not quite finished yet. 

Running gets you the gold.

The truth is I’m scared of succeeding. Failing doesn’t hurt me because I haven’t gone far enough. If I were to succeed that would mean I would be at the top. Heights are only scary when you look down; I look down a lot in order to watch my footing. If I could change anything about myself it would be to stop second-guessing myself. I can tell you everything I want out of life but when it comes to getting it I come to a stand still. I hate waiting yet I find the most formal and slowest ways about getting something because of my fears. Mind you the “go getter” door is wide-open waiting for me to take my chances and get things my way.

I sit in the box by choice despite the fact that I know what’s outside the box is so much better. I rather be broke doing what I love rather than rich and stuck doing someone else’s passion but in reality its hard for me to put that into practice. Instead here I am at a stand still looking for office jobs instead of putting myself out there and being successful.

I want to thank everyone who supports me even if I won’t budge. The first step is admitting your fault. I’m trying to move but fear seems to be winning. My time is now and the fact that I know now will always be now it’s hard to get started. Maybe I need to start saying my time was yesterday. I can’t continue waiting on my dreams because my feet are moving too slow. Running gets you the gold medal.

I am my nightmare and dream. Accept who you are and use what you have to make it work. 23 years of living is nothing. You live, you learn, you conquer. Only you can save yourself. Its time to save myself.

Dream Vacation

One day I’d love to travel the world. Having been blessed with the opportunity to study abroad in college, I went to Europe, and I saw England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. But the one place—my dream place—that I never had the opportunity to visit during those three months was France. I have always wanted to go to France. Not just Paris, although I daydream about the Louvre, Lovers’ Lock Bridge, and moonlit gondola rides on the Seine, I also long to see the countryside of France, to have a glass of red wine in a vineyard of Bordeaux.

Another stop I’d have to make on my travels around the world would be to Fiji. To me, Fiji is like Paradise. It oozes romance and serenity. With all of its beauty, exoticism and romance, I’d have to go with a sweetie. I’d probably need a sweetie for France too. Maybe my dream vacay will end up being my honeymoon!

My dream vacation starts off in Monaco on the French Riviera. I would love to yacht up and down the coast and spending the nights in the world famous Monte Carlo Casino. In a very James Bond like fashion drinking martinis and playing high stakes poker in a old nasty piece of ball gown. Once I have gotten tan and collected my winnings I would hop on my private jet to Crete in Greece. I love the history and beauty of this island. It would be amazing to see the architecture then lay on the beach. One day...one day

My dream vacation would be a romantic getaway to the Italian countryside. I LOVE Italy. I would love an Italian getaway where it was packed with nothing but wine, cheese, beautiful countryside, and fresh openness  Italy is a land of so much history and beauty, from the language to the food. I would love a vacation to really immerse myself in the beauty of the Italian culture and countryside. 

Greece!!! There are so many places that I want to travel to but Greece would be my dream vacation. I would spend most of my time on a yacht relaxing. Maybe try my hand at fishing. My dream vacation really just involves me in a beautiful place not worrying about anything...and if I just so happen to fall in love with a greek man and permanently live there so be it.

Cheers!

Cheers to being in your 20s. Cheers to graduating college. Cheers to going to grad school. Cheers to having a job. Cheers to waking up everyday. Cheers to deciding how to live your life! Cheers to being able to cheers to any of those cheers. We cheers because it’s a Tuesday, or because it’s sunny, or because immature Ray J made an amazingly catchy song.

You are you and I am me. I don’t judge you so please don’t judge me.

Too often do I talk to people my age who aren’t enjoying life. Memento Mori. That’s probably the most influential phrase in my life. (So much so it is tatted it on my left shoulder) The Latin saying translates into English meaning “remember you will die”. I like to think of it as the political correct form of YOLO.  Everyone has goals in life but everyone should not be so focused on those goals that you forget to celebrate life. 

It is very common for people to look at someone else’s life and get upset that they aren’t at that point in life. There are people my age with whole families (husband/wife, kid(s), and a dog). There are also people I graduated with buying brand new cars every other year. Sounds good and all but in reality I’m not ready and too often the people trying to hurry up and get there aren’t realizing they aren’t ready for that part of life either. Don’t hide who you are in order to look good for others. You will get where you want to be at your own pace and I can guarantee you will be a lot happier because you were able to have fun doing it. Work is work but there is always happy hour afterwards.

Some of your biggest hiccups will be when you are in your 20s. Here are some good (and not so good) examples. Macaulay Culkin realized he wasn't as cute as he used to be and started doing drugs, He was arrested at 24 for possession. Diddy was charged with assault when he was 29 and that same year got caught up in club scandal with Shyne. Jay-z was 29 when he stabbed a record executive. Houston was 22 when he gouged his eye out. Britney Spears cheated on Justin Timberlake when she was 21. She also went into rehab shaved her head at the age of 26. At 26 Michael Jacksons hair caught fire and we all know that changed him forever. Left Eye set her boyfriends house on fire at 23. The next year TLC declared bankruptcy. Taylor Swift is in her 20s and a public serial dater. Finally, Chris Brown started his 20s with the biggest hiccup of his life. Which means Rhianna also had a hiccup. 

Your ducks are still trying to get in line so let them. Rushing will just leave you wanting more and being highly disappointed when you realize more isn’t enough. I'm not trying to discourage anyones way of living Im just trying to remind you to stop and smell the Pansies often enough to make you smile on a rainy day. 

So let us toast to memento mori. Cheers.

Relationships on Life Support

No relationship is perfect nor is any person. Taking those two facts you end up with the struggle to keep two people together. Jealousy and insecurity are often accused of being more feminine traits, but I'm sure we all know this is not true. Men are just as wrapped in their emotions as women and have to add their ego to the situation as well. The one commonality from men and women though is that jealousy and insecurities will always be a major hindrance in a relationship. 

It seems that no one can just live in peace. There will always be rats lurking at the threshold and when you give into the negative emotions that jealousy and insecurity create you let them in. These are not easy things to fight. If you care for someone you don't want to be in a constant battle of trying to keep them. This is where respect for your relationship and your own self esteem comes into play. Your partner should respect your union enough to not allow outsiders come between you. If they are an egomaniac who constantly needs validation from the opposite sex they are creating a breeding ground for jealousy. Or they may be an attention whore or just oblivious. Perhaps you just aren't enough. Either way never let someone else affect how you feel about you. 

Some people are just naturally jealous and can't ever be happy in a relationship. Either they have been hurt or they just have a complex that causes them to not trust their mates. If you are this person perhaps you need to get to the root of your problems and fix them before you attempt to create another failed relationship person. You might think you don't have a problem, but if all of your relationships have failed for similar reasons guess what its you not them. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone who does not trust you get out now because it won't get any better.

Bacon is love
Rev Ash

The Gift of An Old Story

The older I get, the more I appreciate thought-provoking conversations with people. Especially with older people. It may have something to do with my vested interest in people, their actions, and humanity in general, but I think it may also have something to do with the fact that my inner circle is constantly changing, which speaks to my own evolution. Like most people, I strive to have a strong support system because I know that the direction I plan to take with my life will require strength. And while I like to pretend that my strength is innate (and partially it is), I know that my strength comes from other strong people.  Because I have always found deep power in words more so than actions, I derive my greatest strength from listening. I know some of the best talkers. Most of them are older, and I can credit them with being the best talkers because they’ve mastered the art of listening to other great talkers. So I love talking to my mom, grandmother, great aunts and uncles because they hold so much knowledge about people. I can ask them any questions I want, and I don’t have to feel like I’m in some kind of intellectual boxing match. There’s no underlying tension to prove who knows more, which is fostered by and passed on to young people through academia.

Older people have been there and done all that. They can see through all the foolishness and they love using their experiences as teaching tools. I’m coming to understand that in order to battle my twenty-somethings, I desperately need these tools in my back pocket. Whatever that saying is about needing the past in order to navigate through your present and beyond, it’s true. And older people are your portal to the past. I’m not saying that their stories will make this journey of “finding thine self” an easy one, but it can definitely provide you with a little hope—what you’re going through is not unique; somebody else has been there.

So look to some older person when you need guidance that your friends can’t give you. The worst that can happen is that nothing they say helps. At least you’re always bound to hear a really good story. 

Unwritten Rules

A reader asked...

Would you say that there are unwritten rules of the work place? If so, what are they?

I definitely think there are some unwritten and unspoken rules in the workplace. Just like life. For me, I file these rules under the category of “tact.” Before I do anything at work, I tend to measure it on the tact scale. So I tend to not say a lot of personal stuff at work. I try not to even tell people when I’m not feeling well. There are just certain types of conversations you shouldn’t have with your coworkers because they aren’t your friends. Therefore, it’s cool to tell them that you went out with a couple of friends when they inquire about your weekend, but you probably shouldn’t mention that you went bar hopping and drank one too many gin and tonics and consequently hated yourself and all things liquid the next day. That’s just not tactful. I also wouldn’t recommend you bringing your baggage into work. Save the tears, angry attitudes, and drama for your casa. It’s not a good look. Why? Because, it must be stressed, these people are not your friends. And judgment from coworkers can be harder to shake than the judgment of the man you rolled your eyes at on the bus.

I think the biggest unwritten rule at work is remember that these are not your friends and they do not have your best interest at heart. Your coworkers do not owe you anything. I have seen coworkers cut each other in their own attempts to get ahead. Watch your back and remember someone is always watching you. Let people enough into your life to seem human, but they don't need to know every detail of your life. All information is free to be used against you. Watch your own back and do your work. If their is a promotion or raise available even the girl who you share lattes with and kiki it up with at mandatory functions will stab you in the back to save their own behind. Also, if you know you did not bring that item in the fridge don't eat it!

There are definitely some unspoken rules in the workplace. I think each specific 'office' setting has their own. So my first offering, is to come in on high alert. When you first establish a presence in an office setting, always keep your eyes and ears open for some of the 'office code'. Even though you may be 'new' or unfamiliar  you are ultimately expected to learn and live by that specific settings 'code'. (Unless it is something illegal or immoral ;-)
One thing I can honestly say has been a universal office rule is to check your personal at the door. As harsh as it may sound, remember you are there on the clock, as well as everyone else in the building. Business can not wait on you to get over what Bob in accounting said, Lisa in Marketing did, or that Tim in management called you out. Take constructive criticism as just that, not as a personal attack. Remember, you are there to do a job, and not to necessarily establish friendships or personal relationships. The reality is, this stuff will happen organically, because you spend so much time on the job, but be wise enough to separate business and personal.Business carries on with or without you. However, if you bring your personal to the workplace, you may risk compromising your workplace integrity. Which in the long run could damage your professional growth. Always check the personal before you say your first 'Good Morning'. 

I think that there are many unwritten rules of the work place. The more you know the faster you will be able to move up the ladder. In my opinion one of the most important would be to remember that you are at work. You are not a school, a club, or social gathering. Acknowledge everyone, even if its just the mail guy. Let everyone know who you are because you are friendly, not because you are the subject of gossip. Always be courteous to everyone because you never who they are or how they will impact your future. Forming a link with everyone will allow for you to find out about possible opportunities. With that being said its one thing to be courteous its another thing to form a friendship or more. You're at work, everyone has their own motives so don't get too comfortable too fast. Don't assume when you are having a bad day or if you feel like venting, it is okay to discuss that with your coworkers, especially in the office. They are your coworkers first and foremost. They aren't like your outside friends who can be your therapists when needed. Even if they don't have an ulterior motive you never know who is listening. 


Have a question you would like us to answer or a topic for us to discuss? Feel free to submit it to us in the gold box to the right or shoot us an email (PostGradSD@gmail.com).

Today you are You...

My first love was pretty much the coolest guy ever...in life. He was very smart, a doctor in fact. His game was so smooth. His words still linger with me. He had me at "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish". Poetic right? If you havent figured out who I am talking about go get yo life. Anywho Dr. Seuss was a brilliant man. His quotes make me feel hopeful about life. Have you heard "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" or "Why fit in when you were born to stand out"? Did you know that those are his words? Well they are. Here are some more of his words that you may enjoy...

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cell. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living."

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." (Oh, the Places You'll Go! was a graduation present to me...every graduation. Its so applicable to life at this moment.)

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

"Fantasy is necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

"Today is your day! YOur mountain is waiting. So...get on your way."

"Think! You can think any think that you wish."

"It is better to know how to learn than to know."

"Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered."

"Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's a great balancing act."

"You're on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where to go."

He's backkkkkk!!!!!!!!

Listen to me good, Justin Timberlake is back!

As a huge fan of N*SYNC and of his solo career (including movies) I am proud to say that Mr. Timberlake is back!

Ladies and Germs, I hope you have purchased your copy of The 20/20 Experience. Mr. Timberlake is not taking any prisoners on this one! As evidenced by a viral marketing campaign, Justin knew that he was missed 'round these parts. With only collaborations on singles to keep his fans at bay for the past 5+ years, new solo material was long overdue. Fans got their first dose of this material with the Jay-Z featured track Suit & Tie. I will openly admit, I was disappointed the first listen. Where was my Cry Me A River Justin? The My Love-Justin? The What Goes Around Comes Around-Justin? I was unexcited by the single, and even more-so saddened that I had held out hope for an amazing album.

But then came Mirrors.

Let me tell you, when I first heard this song, I wept a little. (Only a bit) It was just so sweet and touching of a song to his lady-love, and I felt every single harmony. The song itself was just the cap on a very exceptional, as it turns out album. Helping to signal this shift back to real music that I have been waiting on. To give you just a taste of his lastest masterpiece here is the video for Mirrors. Enjoy!

Hunkering Down

Everyone knows perfection is a myth, but only few can claim that they don't actually strive for perfection.

I am not one of those few. 

I'm not going to lie, PGSD family, I strive for perfection. I do so in every aspect of life. Especially when it comes to work.

A job is one of those places in life, where if you work hard enough to prove yourself, you are rewarded handsomely with recognition, promotions, raises etc. So naturally I come into everyday at work ready to knock someone's socks off. One of the few things I will allow myself to brag about is that I am a hard worker. I have worked hard for everything I have in this life. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, my parents don't have connections in my field, I just have me and what I can prove. 

I've done a lot in the way of my career in the short span of 2 years. I have a job I really like, and it affords me some very rich opportunities. Opportunities, people laughed at to my face when I said I was going to get out of my first real job when I was applying. Anyways, this is my place to shine. I clock in everyday by 8:30am and sometimes don't clock out until 1 or 2 am. I work my butt off for my company, and it hasn't gone unrecognized. However, it is that false strife for perfection that will get you caught up no matter how many 16-hr days are worked. 

Recently I learned I made a mistake, the scale of which I don't even know yet, but it was pretty major in my book. Since the mistake was caught over the weekend, I tossed and turned for the better part of a whole night, and just prayed to get some rest until the morning when I have some semblance of a chance to correct it. 

I thought all night about just turning in my resignation, and poof being done with it, and that's when I realized my problem. I don't see myself as human. 

As a human being, I will make mistakes, I will get things wrong, and mess up sometimes. It just comes with the territory. However, whenever I have fallen in this false pursuit of perfection, it makes me want to run.I only see two ways out of imperfect situations, run like mad or hunker down and face the music. 

The running is away from failure, from not being that perfect person, but what I realized is when you run, you don't learn how to deal with imperfections or failures. You constantly set yourself up for situations where you miss that growing experience. I promised myself a while ago not to run from imperfection, it can only make you stronger. So I chose now to hunker down. Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. In the end you may just be pleasantly surprised. 

If I Could Change Anything About My "Adult" Self...

I struggle with how much I should reveal to people. And no, I’m nobody special. I’m not a celebrity or the president, or anyone with a story that people would really be interested in.  But I still struggle with how much I should divulge when I’m forming relationships. I used to think that I had a social issue. I researched it and everything. I talked to my doctor. And we both (read: my doctor) surmised that I was a perfectly “normal” social girl. Good news: I wasn’t predestined to be a serial killer. But I still can’t seem to make sense out my natural inclination to hold back things from people. Of course, at some level, there are issues with trust. But why is it that some people can be such open books, and I can’t? I really realized it when I formed friendships in graduate school and saw how easily everyone opened up to me. Although it’s never been rare for people to open up to me, I was taken aback by how easily these grown adults could speak so freely about themselves. I don’t claim to have low self-esteem. So I know that’s not it. But I wish I knew how to open up more. And more importantly, I wish I knew the right people to whom I could open up. I’ve often run into scenarios where people I tell things to use them against me in later conversations. My personal information has been used as a source of comedy, a way of furthering a petty argument, and a communally shared story. Of course, it wasn’t anything that was super serious or personal, nothing that made me feel very vulnerable, but still its effect was lasting.

I thought blogging would remedy this somehow. In my mind, starting a blog would be a kind of antidote for my tendency to hold things in. In reality, it’s made speaking about what’s really going on, the embarrassments, fears, and the like, even more difficult. Sure, everything I’ve written has been my truth, but I hold back. I spend too much time reworking sentences so that they relay a message that’s a more watered-down version of what’s really happening. It’s weird. But I think that blogging, writing for the public in general, is the greatest way of challenging myself to drop my inhibitions. As I get deeper into my adulthood, I’m beginning to see everything as a sign or symbol for something deeper. And what I’m learning, at least what I think I am learning, is that this one change could open the door for many other things. I have big dreams and if I can conquer not bottling things in and being a little less guarded with myself, it’ll make way for the fruition of my dreams.

Or maybe it’s not that deep at all.

Stay tuned.

Unexpected Finds

So in my internet browsing I stumbled across this hilarious and informative website ThugKitchen.com The author is a healthy living home cook who attempts to make vegan eating a tad more "gangsta". The author states that he is not vegan but that he believes we should enjoy a more natural diet to ensure a long life free of preventable health problems such as high blood pressure and diabetes.  He gives recipes and tips for healthy eating  in a hilarious yet interesting way. Imagine Suge Knight explaining why swiss chard is great for your blood sugar levels or how tomatoes can prevent testicular cancer. In his own words:

“what is thug kitchen?”

THIS SITE IS HERE TO HELP YOUR NARROW DIETARY MINDED ASS EXPLORE SOME FUCKING OPTIONS SO THAT YOU CAN LOOK AND FEEL LIKE A FUCKING CHAMP.

Stay away if you are squeamish about strong language or not interested in changing your lifestyle. This is a great laugh and informative. 

Healthy Snacks.

What is your favorite healthy snack?

My favorite healthy snack is actually really simple and inexpensive. It doesn’t take much effort. It requires no real machinery or expert chef’s utensils. All you need is a toaster (or something that toasts) and a butter knife. My favorite healthy snack is wheat toast with peanut butter and a sprinkle of cinnamon on top. It’s filling, quick and simple. I like snacks that have a good amount of fiber because it helps to keep me from feeling sluggish, and peanuts are a good source of fiber. In fact, nuts in general are. When I couple that snack with a really good cup of tea, I feel like I’m almost in heaven.

I need to keep a snack with me to keep my energy levels and blood sugar in control. I am a sweets lover so typically I like to grab greek yogurt, fruit, and honey. I like to boil fresh fruit and a little raw sugar or sugar substitute and throw it on top of my yogurt. I also enjoy fresh fruit and honey or just honey on top of my yogurt. It satisfies my sweet tooth with eating an overly sugary snack that will eventually cause me to crash. The trickiest part of this is finding the right brand for you. I went through some pretty bad ones before I settled on Fage. 

When I was 17 I went to Italy for the first time. My host mom was the most adorable woman ever, and she was constantly fixing me food. It was literally stuffed at all times, but the one thing she made for me that was genuinely my favorite was her fruit salad. This fruit salad is probably the simplest recipe, but it is so delicious and fresh at the same time. All you have to do is chop up  some strawberries and bananas into a bowl. Sprinkle with a little lemon juice and just a dash of  sugar and shake. Viola the simplest fruit salad, yet also the freshest. This simple recipe is great for lunch breaks or even a breakfast treat. It is very filling. Hope you enjoy!

I'm not really into elaborate snacks. I like to keep it simple so I can grab and go. Most of the time the purpose of my snack is so I am able to have the chewing sensation fulfilled so I usually just grab a hand full of almonds. If I have time or am actually hungry I like to slice up a banana and dip them into a tablespoon of peanut butter. If I want to add some crunch to that I will break up a graham cracker as well and dip that into the peanut better. Both snacks are easy enough that I wont look else where to satisfy my needs at that moment.