Standing in your season

According to Merriam-Webster a season is a time characterized by a particular circumstance or feature. We are familiar with the seasons of weather, where nature either blooms or frosts, it is easy to determine those, and something we were all taught from childhood. However, can you define the seasons of your life?

People, places and things come into your life for a season. Very few remain permanent, however, what is important is that you differentiate a season from a lifetime.

You stand in seasons, as they help you define your life.

What exactly do I mean ‘standing in seasons’? Allow me to explain. Every season has to be weathered. Be it a good or bad job, good or bad relationship, or living situation. A season is that time period where you are exactly where you should be, to help you grow into what you will be.

It isn’t always easy to be where you are. It is quite easy to be antsy about life or try to advance before your time. Why? Because you think you belong there. You think you deserve something, or someone. It is often confused with ambition. However, throughout your season you start to notice how things fall together.

In the spring, the rain comes and brings the bloom. In autumn the trees lose their leaves and the ground hardens. Life’s seasons are no different. There will be times where things are just extraordinarily good. There will also be times where things are horribly wrong. Its how you weather or ‘stand’ in your season that counts. Just like nature’s seasons, we adapt to wearing coats or flip flops, same with life’s seasons. You will start to realize what needs to be done to get the promotion or job you want that will take you from that entry-level position. You will start to see people’s true colors, and be able to weed out the good from the bad.

Life’s seasons are temporary. They change all the time, however, when the change comes, the way you stood in your last season will determine your success in the next. So my encouragement today is no matter where you are in this walk of life, remember that everything happens for a reason and you are being prepared for the next level. So stand happily in that season, and wait for the next.

“The best is yet to come”- Somebody

Rut 101

Lately I’ve been in rut. Nothing has been wholly bad, but it hasn’t been all that fantastic either. My life has just been a little lackluster. It’s like I’m missing something. I’d like to think that I’m not the only person that goes through this, that I’m not the only person that has these moments where I feel like I’m on an island with population one—me; in just this one case, I hope that I’m not unique. So what have I been doing to assuage this solitude? Well, a variety of things. Some are healthy ways to deal and others not so much. But I’m human, and life is all about balance. So here’s how I’ve been coping. SN: To save myself from appearing to be a slightly neurotic and unhealthy emotional person, I’ve indicated “unhealthy” and “healthy” next to each.

• Closed myself off from the outside world. This includes being short during conversations, avoiding gatherings, staying as far away from Social Media as I possibly can, and wearing a permanent scowl on a sunglasses-adorned face. Unhealthy.
• Listening to music artists that make me smile and believe momentarily that I am in a studio session with Pharell, Babyface, or Vincent Herbert. Healthy.
• Working out until I am literally dripping sweat and I feel like the only thing that is keeping my legs moving is gravity or some other higher force. Healthy.
• Making plans. And then cancelling said plans because I just want to be in the house. First part, healthy. Second part, falls under the whole closed off thing…unhealthy.
• Reading magazines, watching Fashion Police, marathons of Sex and the City and NBA playoff series games. Totally healthy.
• Shopping. Healthy.
• Spending too much money from said “healthy shopping.” Unhealthy.
• Playing in my makeup. Healthy.
• Reaching out to friends to talk. Healthy.
• Getting testy when friends aren’t available to talk and then ending up being rude to them. Unhealthy.
• Crying. My mom would call this healthy, I don’t.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• Wine.
• HEALTHY.
• Going to bed early. Healthy.
• Going to bed early because I want the day to be over with and then sleeping all day. Unhealthy. 

And there we have it. My list of things that I’ve been doing to get myself out of my rut. I’ll be the first to admit that this list needs a little help. But like I said, I’m human. Making this list has actually helped me to figure out the best ways for me to personally cope when I’m in a rut. And, ironically enough, it’s actually taken me out of it a little bit. So if you’ve got time, sit down and make a quick list of all the things you do when you’re feeling down for no reason (or for a reason you don’t/can’t admit or figure out). Be honest about all the things you do—the healthy things and the unhealthy things. And the next time you’re in a rut, refer to the list. Remind yourself of all the things that you normally do when you’re feeling down. I bet you’ll laugh at it, think you’re pathetic, do one or more of the things on the list, find something to do that isn’t on the list, or do some combination of all of those things.

The worst thing about being in a rut is that feeling you get of complete lack of self control. It’s like the rut controls everything you do and feel. With your already-compiled list, it’s like being one step ahead of the rut. You already know how it operates so even if you’re feeling down, you get to control what you do, how you’re going to feel during whatever you do and the consequence that it’s going to have. Not that damn rut. I think I may have stumbled on to something. Hmmm.

Let me know if this is as genius as I think it is.

A Love Story, Tried and...True?

The hopeless, hapless romantic in me has always wanted a romantic love story. I wanted the intensity of a love so strong and so overwhelming that it could put the most romantic love story to shame. A love story for the ages. Growing up my favorite romantic comedy was When Harry Met Sally, and for a long time (basically my whole entire life), I fashioned my relationships after that. When my relationships fell flat one by one, however, I started to believe that those sort of love stories weren’t real. I became a tried and true cynic, denying the little princess that lives inside of me the permission to squeal with glee when Ally shrugs at Noah and runs into his arms at the end of The Notebook. And I have to say, minus a few drunken slip ups, I’ve stayed pretty true to my cynical façade. Until now…

Everybody has that one person. Whether you’ve met them already or will in the future, every single one of us has that one person that we are drawn to for some reason. They can put you through Hell, you can vow to never speak to them again, but when your phone buzzes and their number (which even though you’ve deleted from your phone, you know by heart) pops up, you have to respond. My person is the man that I wrote about earlier in the blog post, “Like Wine.” It’s funny when I read that back to myself. Although the post is raw with my truth, I can see my areas of masking, attempting to deny myself the very real love that I have for him. But in my ability to see that, I can pat myself on the back for having grown because back then, I couldn’t see it.

My ex and I did (or rather, do) have a love story. It has the romance, heartbreak, longing to be with someone but X,Y, and Z are not in place so it feels impossible—all that stuff combine to make a true love story. Have we conquered the odds yet? No. Will we? It’s too soon to tell. But I know that what I asked for my whole life, I received. Real, tangible, unrelenting, reach-for-the-stars-over-the-moon-world-series kind of love (yes, that last part is a tribute to my childhood obsession with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen circa “It Takes Two”).

I became a cynic because I never expected the kind of pain that I received from my love story. And once in pain, I never believed that I could feel the profound appreciation and joy that I now feel post-pain. So I cut myself off from romance, classifying it as an impossible ideal. I think that’s what we all do when we are given what we’ve always wanted, but it’s not gift-wrapped quite the way we anticipated it being. Unexpected pain and hardship can harden us. I’ve only ever met one person who’s never been hardened by heartbreak, who remained a true romantic until her very last day, and that was my departed best friend.

I am no longer rocked too much by pain, and I work hard not to let it devalue or trivialize the gifts (especially those that I’ve specifically asked for) that I receive. My ex and I may never get married or grow old together or write down our story and read it to each other and our kids (even though he’s suggested that we do), but at least I know that I did get the real-life intense love story that I dreamt of as a kid. And the best part of it is that something tells me it’s not quite finished yet. 

The Gift of An Old Story

The older I get, the more I appreciate thought-provoking conversations with people. Especially with older people. It may have something to do with my vested interest in people, their actions, and humanity in general, but I think it may also have something to do with the fact that my inner circle is constantly changing, which speaks to my own evolution. Like most people, I strive to have a strong support system because I know that the direction I plan to take with my life will require strength. And while I like to pretend that my strength is innate (and partially it is), I know that my strength comes from other strong people.  Because I have always found deep power in words more so than actions, I derive my greatest strength from listening. I know some of the best talkers. Most of them are older, and I can credit them with being the best talkers because they’ve mastered the art of listening to other great talkers. So I love talking to my mom, grandmother, great aunts and uncles because they hold so much knowledge about people. I can ask them any questions I want, and I don’t have to feel like I’m in some kind of intellectual boxing match. There’s no underlying tension to prove who knows more, which is fostered by and passed on to young people through academia.

Older people have been there and done all that. They can see through all the foolishness and they love using their experiences as teaching tools. I’m coming to understand that in order to battle my twenty-somethings, I desperately need these tools in my back pocket. Whatever that saying is about needing the past in order to navigate through your present and beyond, it’s true. And older people are your portal to the past. I’m not saying that their stories will make this journey of “finding thine self” an easy one, but it can definitely provide you with a little hope—what you’re going through is not unique; somebody else has been there.

So look to some older person when you need guidance that your friends can’t give you. The worst that can happen is that nothing they say helps. At least you’re always bound to hear a really good story. 

Hunkering Down

Everyone knows perfection is a myth, but only few can claim that they don't actually strive for perfection.

I am not one of those few. 

I'm not going to lie, PGSD family, I strive for perfection. I do so in every aspect of life. Especially when it comes to work.

A job is one of those places in life, where if you work hard enough to prove yourself, you are rewarded handsomely with recognition, promotions, raises etc. So naturally I come into everyday at work ready to knock someone's socks off. One of the few things I will allow myself to brag about is that I am a hard worker. I have worked hard for everything I have in this life. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, my parents don't have connections in my field, I just have me and what I can prove. 

I've done a lot in the way of my career in the short span of 2 years. I have a job I really like, and it affords me some very rich opportunities. Opportunities, people laughed at to my face when I said I was going to get out of my first real job when I was applying. Anyways, this is my place to shine. I clock in everyday by 8:30am and sometimes don't clock out until 1 or 2 am. I work my butt off for my company, and it hasn't gone unrecognized. However, it is that false strife for perfection that will get you caught up no matter how many 16-hr days are worked. 

Recently I learned I made a mistake, the scale of which I don't even know yet, but it was pretty major in my book. Since the mistake was caught over the weekend, I tossed and turned for the better part of a whole night, and just prayed to get some rest until the morning when I have some semblance of a chance to correct it. 

I thought all night about just turning in my resignation, and poof being done with it, and that's when I realized my problem. I don't see myself as human. 

As a human being, I will make mistakes, I will get things wrong, and mess up sometimes. It just comes with the territory. However, whenever I have fallen in this false pursuit of perfection, it makes me want to run.I only see two ways out of imperfect situations, run like mad or hunker down and face the music. 

The running is away from failure, from not being that perfect person, but what I realized is when you run, you don't learn how to deal with imperfections or failures. You constantly set yourself up for situations where you miss that growing experience. I promised myself a while ago not to run from imperfection, it can only make you stronger. So I chose now to hunker down. Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. In the end you may just be pleasantly surprised. 

Thank You and You're Welcome.

Say what you want about Mr. Kanye West but you can not doubt his talent (and not just musically). I've loved Kanye since Through the Wire. Even til this day I enjoy everything about him including his rants. Why? Because he is who I want to be. I want to be able to speak my mind without fear. We are very similar. Our egos were created Shaq size just like our hearts. Before you stop reading this in order to avoid a Kanye obsession post, I would like to let you know its really not about that. I am writing this to explain how awesome his book Thank You and You're Welcome is. Another life lessons book that's short and very relatable to anyone.

First off, this book is a graphics artists giant slice of cake. The typefaces of the sayings are purposefully created. Kanye West is an artist and it shows with everything he does. The book itself is a small 53 page read filled with what West describes as "personal proverbs" and stories of lessons learned.

"Thank You and You're Welcome" is to describe moments where "both parties give and both parties gain". I read this book often when things don't seem to be going right. There's a page in the book for pretty much everything. My favorite page is "I wonder...would you rather have 100% from an average person or 10% fm someone who is outstanding?". 

You're trying too hard to dislike this man if you find something bad to say about this book. 


BTW...If you haven't got your laugh for the day, here it is (There's no way I can explain this though)

Thank You & You're Welcome.

I wasn't there.

Being who I am, it is rare that I will have enough patience to complete a long book unless it is read in one sitting. I read roughly three to five books at a time and seldom make it to the end of any of them. Due to the fact that this is such a big trend for me I find books that will interest me the most. Fiction is a rare read. I tend to be drawn to non-fiction, specifically (auto)biographies and inspirational books that are a bit quirky. 

Christmas 2011 I was in an independent bookstore with my brother in DC and came across This is Water by David Foster Wallace. I wrote it down with an intent to buy and read it when I had time. Spring 2012 during the end of my final senior year I decided it was time to add it to my collection of reads that were already in rotation. It immediately drew me in on the first page. Within less than a week I was done and reread it immediately because its not like I had any other books to read. (Pure sarcasm if you didn't catch that) 

This is Water is Wallace's 2005 commencement speech to the graduating class at Kenyon College. He begins with a story where an old fish asks two young fish "How's the water". The young fish reply with "What the hell is water?". Deep right? (No pun intended) Wallace explains that the story isn't for him to be that wise old fish to explain life but to merely point out that the most obvious of things are the hardest to see and talk about. The speech goes on to discuss the cliches of commencement speeches, teaching you how to think and how insulting that can be. He tells more short didactic stories that draw you in and make you wonder where is this man going. In the end you realize with the help of Mr. Wallace of course, that life is your real education, your "job of a lifetime". 

I reread this book in hopes that I could create my own graduation memory. Graduation day arrived and I looked around and realized I didn't have a relationship with anyone so when it was time to go though the "remember when" segment of the ceremony I zoned out. Then the speaker began his speech and I focused on him for one or two minutes hoping he would be as amazing as David Foster Wallace. Nope, didn't happen. I zoned out once again. By the end of the whole ceremony I had recreated a graduation ceremony that I would have actually enjoyed. So when I passed a group of graduates discussing what they thought was interesting about what the speaker had said, in my mind i was thinking "I don't remember that". Instead what I remembered was that when I walked across that stage my job of a lifetime was beginning and no degree can prepare me for what I was to start learning. 

Sometimes we have to make our own experiences in order to learn more than what we can receive from any random memory someone else attempts to create for us. 

How to admit your lessons.

Sitting and looking through old pictures and friends a la Facebook and your mind starts churning through thoughts and memories. Lately a subject my fellow PGSD ladies and I have covered is upbringing. How different rules and values shaped us into who we are today. So naturally, it is easy to think back to Little B.

I went for a therapeutic jog this past weekend, and I am thinking back to the rules I had growing up. How I couldn't drink my juice prior to finishing my meal, how I had to be home by 6pm or else my mother was calling the cops, or how my chores had to be done, and grades on par before even asking for anything. I got an allowance, and was taught how to save, and make your money stretch. Also reminded daily that everything you do shouldn't be for the all-mighty dollar. You need to just do for other people, just to be there for your fellow man. Not only is this a blessing to another, but you will be richly rewarded with the experience. 

I used to feel like my adolescence was too controlled. I didn't live in a household where it was okay to talk back to or question your parents. I did whatever I was told without question, and did it wonderfully. There were times I tried to rebel, sure! But me being me, I would always end up doing the right thing. (Or telling a half-truth as I became known for in HS with my parents) My parent's goal was to raise a well-rounded, worldly, educated individual.

When  I got to college and finally spread my wings, I was mad at my parents. I didn't know freedom was that wonderful and exhilarating. I wanted to keep my freedom and not have to answer to anyone, so I made sure in college I was as self-sufficient as my education would allow me to be. At one point, I had three paying jobs and an internship. Granted at times it was very difficult, but that taste of freedom was beyond great and I haven't given it up since.  

Looking around at all my friends, and folks our same age, I see a lot of people stepping out on their own for the first time post graduation. Some don't know how to pay a utility bill, or even write a check. Some don't even have a passport, nor a desire to ever have one. These are things I have been doing since high school. I personally equate the ability to hold your head above water with independence. Sure we all need help sometimes, self included, but if you constantly have to have someone figure out your life for you? You need to sit back and re-evaluate some things honey.

 I find I often times have no patience for people who don't desire independence. You don't have a ride somewhere? CTA is $3. You don't have a know how to file your taxes? Turbotax and H & R Block have an app for that. Do not let your lack of knowledge, know-how, or circumstances hinder you from being great. Get up and do something about it. 

I thank my parents now. I see so many adults nowadays that struggle so much with the basics of the world. My curfews taught me consequences, my allowances were my money management lessons, my restrictions taught me the resourcefulness and responsibility of being an adult.

The world is moving in a different direction from the standards of our parents. Children as a whole are being brought up in an era that is much different and as unexpected as anyone can imagine. In this muck of confusion, I am grateful to have the foundation of my upbringing that has helped to shape me in the person I am today. I have finally become adult enough to realize some things were done for my benefit, and to this day, I can admit I carry those lessons with me daily. 

Une petite thérapie de musique.....

Lianne La Havas is not just an artist, she is a part of a movement. No, I haven't gone rogue and picked up Music Marketing (though I may one day) I wanted to simply share someone whose voice has gotten me through a lot over the past couple of months. The movement is part of the universally gradual return to soulful music. Music that tears into your core and releases that part of you, you buried down long ago. Music that heals and speaks the words, when you don't have anymore to say yourself.

Whenever things are good, bad or indifferent in my life I listen to music. I can remember and place every album that ever had a significant role in my life. When my Grandmother died, I listened to My Chemical Romance's debut album "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" on loop. When I went through a particularly bad heartbreak, Ne-Yo's "The Year of the Gentleman" was pretty much my salvation. Now as I embark on my Twenty-something years, Lianne La Havas' album "Is Your Love Big Enough?" has been my go-to for almost any emotion over the past couple of months.

In one album the UK crooner has managed to make her mark in my Itunes, solidifying herself as probably one of my most played albums. With tracks like "Empty", "They Could Be Wrong", "Lost & Found", the songstress has proved herself a force to reckoned with as she infiltrates the American music scene. I wanted to put my good friends, the readers of PGSD on to this hidden gem of a songbird. Hopefully you will appreciate her music as much as I do!

Here is a sample from a live session of "No Room for Doubt" she recorded through the streets of Paris for La Blogotheque's  Take Away Show series. Enjoy!

Run Forest Run...or jog a little.....your call.

So I have been jogging now for a couple months. I don't know why but one day I just woke up and got tired of having Regina George 'This is the only thing that fits me right now' moments. I put on my headphones and just jog/power walk for an hour or so. Its very therapeutic  It is sometimes the only 'me' time I have away from work, family, and friends. I cherish it, and have seen some improvements over time. One thing I am most proud of is that I take it step by step. I always wanted to get into running, it looked so cool from the outside looking in, but the fact I am top AND bottom heavy slowed that effort down real quickly. 

One night I was jogging with my sister and we were both doing our own thing. She used to be on track, so she naturally jogs better and more polished than I. However, on our way back we both somehow synced to the same pace. With my music in, I was in my own little world, until in my peripheral I saw her gaining on me. One thing I always do when I jog is to pick a destination spot. Since I am a little new to the whole experience, I like to set realistic goals, but still challenges for where I can break. 

As she is gaining on me I took my eyes off my destination and started focusing on her running. What made her better than I, how was her form etc. Needless to say I got distracted and lost my will to finish out. Suddenly what had before, come with such ease, became a burden. I grew tired and got defeated in my spirit. 

That was until I realized that moment is a lot like life. We all have our end goals and plans we see for the future. We are focused on them. However, when we lift that focus to worry about how well others are doing, we stray from our path. We start to lose that perseverance with which we attacked that goal. My lesson learned is to stay in your lane. Not only metaphorically, but literally as well. I am not saying you shouldn't resist a chance to benchmark your success, but when you are focused and determined on YOUR finish, the journey won't seem that bad.

All I want for Christmas is him?!

Here comes the obligatory in-my-feelings-girl-come-rescue-me post.

So its the holiday season and you are alone. Read: So its the holiday season and I am alone. 
Am I sad about this? No not really. Want to know why? I chose to be. 

Many menses have come a calling, but I am not really answering. Call it high standards, or indecisiveness. I call it the waiting game. I am sick of hearing friends stories of settling and their complaints about the guy they settled for, just so they could have a warm body next to them. Girl get a blanket. However, if my last situationship taught me anything, it is wait for something that feels right to you.

Part of the problem in my last situation, was me going along with something that didn't feel all the way right. He was a great guy don't get me wrong. He was flawed, as every man is, and eventually let his flaws do the proving his words couldn't that we just weren't ready/meant for each other. I allowed others to hype me up. Read: Mom and Friends (There is nothing worse than your mother approving of a guy you are on the fence about.) We had been friends for the longest, and were very hesitant about taking things to a new level. 

Here I am thinking that new level was going to be great for me and him. However, he thought it was a great level for me, him, her, and her. No. Nope. Not me. Not today.

Needless to say things went all the way left with that situation. Ending in several shouting matches and a single tear shed. I've never cried over a guy before. Crawled up in the fetal position and put on some Ne-Yo? Yes. Crying? Never. I just have never seen a man as irreplaceable  However, this guy I didn't think I would ever move past that betrayal.  Since then I've forgiven him, and like to think of the situation as a history class, long and drawn out, but never forgetting the lesson learned.

I say all of that to say, that I learned a lot about waiting for what is truly meant for you regardless of what anyone else thinks. That situation was an eye opener for me, that I will truly be ready to change that status, when it feels right to me, beyond anyone else's opinions or standards. So yes, its safe to assume that all I want for Christmas is 'him'. However, as in life, why look for 'him' in the past, when I can look forward to the 'him' of the future.

What if a dinosaur tripped you and you landed in a chickens money stash?

What if you stop saying “what if”? I’ve realized that we (because I sometimes do this as well) worry too much about things that we can’t control. Last time I checked we cannot predict the future, especially when others are involved. We can make different choice that may prevent certain situations from occurring but even that is not permanent. Lately friends who are worrying about things that they can’t control have been approaching me. “What if this…what if that,” “I don’t want this or that to happen”. These conversations are driving me crazy!

Due to my laid back mentality, it is very difficult for me to sit and listen to others woes about things that haven’t happened yet. So here’s my opinion on the things that have yet to come…

“I don’t want this to happen again. We’ve been through this before.”

The thing about cycles is that they will keep happening unless something changes. You don’t want it to happen again and yet you haven’t changed any of your actions. You don’t want things to change if you keep going about them the same way. Stop and look at what’s going on, reevaluate it, and go about it a different way.

“What if [insert nonsense here]”

What if it does happen? Are you going to stop living? Is your life going to say, “game over”? No! There’s never just one door. Things happen for a reason and it’s not so you can call me or that other friend you call with all your problems every time and cry until we get “disconnected”. Just kidding >_>. Seriously though life will get better. It’s all about your mentality. If you say today is going to be a shitty day…today will be shitty. There are a million reasons to smile. The best reason is that you woke up today. There are those who didn’t get that opportunity. What if you don’t wake up tomorrow? Are you content with what you have done? Don’t worry about tomorrow or yesterday. Worry about right now. “What if’s” are truly for the dead. I say this because if the only things you worry about are the things you cant control how can you live?

Please don’t rush life. Setting goals is one thing but only doing things that will help get you where you want to be won’t satisfy that emptiness inside you that was supposed to be filled with laughter and the smell of flowers. Stress is natural but not mandatory every minute. Breathe and have fun. I promise you will get where you’re going even if you stop and check out the scenery. Scouts honor. 

What Carrie Bradshaw has taught me…

10. “You can’t be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.”

9. “I don’t believe in email. I’m an old-fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up.”

8. “What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.”

7. “After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot.”

6. “Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

5. “As we drive along the road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

4. “As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can’t help but whine ‘Are we there yet?’”

3. “Are we simply romantically challenged or are we sluts?”

2. “When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past.”

1. “Can you make a mistake and miss your fate? Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.”

Sex and the City may keep me in my feeling but it teaches me many lessons I never thought about.

You Live and You Learn.

I’ve never been good with timing. I think the main reason may be the fact that I do things on my time oppose to considering others who may be involved. A prime example would be when I decided to tell someone how I felt about them despite recognizing their situation at that time. I thought I was doing good but I didn’t get the response I wanted. In my mind it went like one of the final scene in Love & Basketball where Monica (Sanaa Lathan) told Quincy (Omar Epps) how she felt about him the night before he got married and he said “you still think the sun rises and sets on your ass. Well guess what, it doesn’t!” Although he didn’t say that, I was thinking it. I expected him to run to me and we trot off into the sunset. Instead I got the “You put me in a hard place. I really care for you but it’s hard for me to let go of my situation now.” *points trigger finger to me head*

For the first time EVER I was honest but didn’t consider everything. I don’t regret stepping out of my character and expressing myself but I do regret not considering what he was going through at the time. You live and you learn. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off of your leg. It hurts at first but the irritation of it being on you is now gone.

Unfortunately its also not in my character to stick around and wait for someone to get there life together so yeah….at least I got it off my chest and it allowed me to look at my self and realize a flaw I possess. Everything happens for a reason so you should always find the bright side when things look gloomy. 

Listen to Gucci Mane Closely.

He says a lot of ignorant things but there are also those less ignorant quotables…

5. “You pathetic; I’m poetic.”

4. “Girls (or guys) are like buses, miss one, next fifteen, one comin”

3. “Sticks and stones will break my bones and bullets won't reflex off me, but words and insults only show da world how y'all respectin me”

2. “I'm my bestfriend and I'm my worst enemy. And no one else can hurt me unless I let them, is ya feelin me?”

1. “I learned that everybody is not you friend. You have to watch who you associate with and surround yourself with positive things and people who went to do something positive.”

He's Mr. Steal Yo Girl for a Reason

In honor of his golden birthday (28 on the 28th) I decided to let todays silver lining quotes be from the wonderful Trey Songz.

10. Addicted to this life yet life’s what’s missing. Let that manifest.

9. Count your blessings. Every time I am doing bad I count my blessings. And I always lose count. Try the sometime.

8. To be in love you have to give your all and I cant give that right now because I take care of my family and they depend on me…and to try and take me away from that would be just wrong.

7. A dream will only be a dream if you sleep on it follow your dreams.

6. Hate will get you nowhere.

5. Love is hard to find, but love is one of a kind.

4. I didn't say I love you to hear it back, I said it to make sure you knew.

3. Sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right places.

2. Nothing can be gain by living in yesterday.

1. Bitch you know my name, it's Mr Tremaine.

If my life were a movie/musical...

If your life were a movie/musical what would it be?

If my life were a movie, it would be “Something New.” Only there probably wouldn’t be a white man as fine as Simon Baker being my love interest. Although, I am down for the swirl. My point is, I’d be able to be successful and have a good man that can handle me. As far as that whole cotillion/fraternity thing, that’s my relatives to a tea.

If my life were more festive and a musical, it would have to be “Hairspray” because there’s so much hope in the movie. It carries the message that we should be ourselves and never make apologies for it. No matter what the “motion in the ocean” may be, nobody can stop the beat. If there’s anyone that needs a constant reminder that being my best self is best, it’s me.

-AP

If my life were a movie or musical it would be The Adjustment Bureau. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason based on what the universe has planned. BUT sometimes you have to know what you want and how to make it happen in spite of all the factors against you. Either that or Mulan. I am not what my parents imagined and work everyday to bring honor to us all. At the end though she saved China and got her man so I shall find my own greatness.

If my life were a musical it would probably be "Wicked". Why? The songs speak to me. Literally. In part because I am both main characters AT THE SAME D*MN TIME! Enough Future references,but Elphaba and Glinda are both on opposite ends of the same struggle. Doing what is right or finding your destiny. It is easy to get complacent where you are, but the real challenge is doing what you were meant todo despite other's opinion of it/you. Who knows who we may meet in this life that will influence the path, I just hope like the main characters to be changed for good.

If my life were a movie it would be Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Not because I admire Audrey Hepburn, but because I feel as if I’m pretending to be someone I’m not but getting closer to who I want to be. I didn’t run away from home but I’m not what my family expected or who I once imagined I’d be. Im a social butterfly, living for excitement and company. I can’t financially support myself yet and I have no idea what I want to do specifically with my life. I can’t say my love life is as exciting but I stay entertained. Breakfast at Tiffany’s is not how I want my life to continue but life is ever changing and I look forward to see what the next feature film will bring.

My life....the children's cartoon.

This should be easy. I am a film buff! I LOVE movies. However this is probably one of the hardest assignments I've tackled for PGSD as far as self-reflection. My earliest memories were of my dad picking my sister and I up from school on Fridays and giving us the option of Blockbuster or McDonalds. I was no fool, you get the movie, which you can watch over and over for a weekend, AND then sucker him into the food. (He always fell for that trap)

Nevertheless, I had the older sister influence over our movie of choice. It was always my favorite movie. Every time without fail...The Swan Princess. This movie was everything, and it had everything! A princess, dope within her own right, and a handsome prince are practically raised for marriage. The prince asks her for her hand because she is so beautiful, and she denies him! She had known him all her life, but she just wouldn't let him put a ring on it. Why? She wanted to be more than a pretty face to a man. She wanted him to see all of her, not just her beauty. Once this was interrupted, her father's nemesis comes and kidnaps her and puts a spell on her to turn into a swan by day, and a human by light of the moon. She is trapped in an abandoned moat wing of a castle and left there.

Its a little scary how even 15 years later this movie resonates in my life. Lately I have been feeling trapped by the expectations of others. Those around me always felt they knew what was best for me. So I pursued a major in college, I wasn't really passionate about, because that was the only way I was getting help with finances in school. When I finally broke free of those expectations, I thought, life came and put more on me. Forcing me to put on a happy facade, in good packaging by day, but only having fun when I feel I can truly be myself at night.

Much like the Swan Princess, my task is to find a way to have the courage to be myself in all aspects of my life, and find what truly makes me happy. Along her journey, she had some great friends to help her find that courage; a puffin, frog, and turtle. As silly as it sounds, my puffin, frog, and turtle are my co-writers on this site. They keep me sane and are on a similar journey in their own right.So I don't feel alone in being abandoned' in the real world.

In the end the Swan Princess with the help of her friends overcomes her fears of being the strong and courageous person to those on the outside as she was on the inside.Maybe the key is to sing a catchy song with random pond creatures....if only it were that easy.

In The Words of Charlie Brown…

I’ve decided to start a series of posts with inspiring quotes to help stimulate the mind and see the sunshine on a cloudy day. Today I have chosen Charlie Brown, a misunderstood genius. Here are some of my favorite words of wisdom from him.

10. “Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.”

9. “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.”

8. “There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.”

7. “There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters . . . I could be their leader.” –Charlie Brown

6. “I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it.”

5. “My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?”

4. “I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.”

3. “Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”

2. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

1. “There is no greater burden than great potential.”

If you have any favorite inspirational books, quotes, or people feel free to share them.

Chipotle was served at the Last Supper

Look. These are my beliefs. Deal. 

I started my weight loss journey OFFICIALLY about a month ago. In that time, I have gone through many different fads/diets/apps to help me lose weight. Needless to say none of them worked as I Popeyes Drive-Thru'd my way to the largest I have ever been. To be perfectly honest, its nothing unmanageable. Just a clear combination of laziness and access to too much fast food. 

However, I have over the past month made the conscious decision to do better, not just for my waistline, but to FEEL better. So far I am down 15 lbs! *pause for 2 Chainz dance break* Its not that much and I am honestly probably the only person, besides my scale, that can tell, but knowing that gives me an extra skip in my step. I want all of you, our readers, to feel that way. So I have compiled my recipe for 'How to lose 15 pounds'

Elliptical-30 Minutes

Treadmill-30 Minutes

Ab Crunch-5 reps of 10

Arm Press-5 reps of 10

Leg Curl-5 reps of 10

Now it is important to note that muscle confusion is the key to workout weight loss. That is why I only recommend this for the first 10 pound loss. Get creative, and add reps as you go along in your journey. Since I am still losing, I am still working on the second steps. Make sure throughout the workout to drink half your body weight in ounces daily, and keep your eyes on the prize! Hopefully this simple workout routine will give you the pep to continue on.