Club Observations

I am not a big fan of going to club for several reasons most of them listed here. No matter what club you got to you will witness at least one of these offenses 

- Walking around too much. This is not a museum or a state fair. Why must you constantly walk around squeezing past people especially when it is hot and crowded. Pick somewhere and enjoy the music! Dance or drink. Did you pay to run laps or twerk in the name of the saints?

-Excuse me ma'am I can see your vagina. Your dress is a centimeter from your butt cheek cleavage and you insist on bending over. Everyone has a clear few of you birth canal. My lack of interest in your fallopian tubes causes me to wonder if you are doing this on purpose. Well don't get mad when some drunkard gives you a free pap smear.

-20 guys at a table with one bottle. Table service at a club is an extreme up-charge so if you can't afford it don't do it. All of you put in $10 to share one bottle of Ciroc that you only get  thimble of because so many people are trying to split it. Everyone is passing around the bottle to take pics for Instagram showing how "ballin" they are. Yea ok. Also, why are there no women at the table. Just the he-man woman haters club taking sips from the same glass.

-Why are you wear sunglasses and a jacket in a hot, dark club. You do not look cool you look like a douche...or the unibomber. In the words of Pimp C "take that monkey shit off"

-Since when is the club a date? You are cuddled up in the corner with your beloved while gaggles of half naked women and men in flashy jewelry trot past attempting to catch you and your significant others eye. One of you is going to look and that is going to lead to a fight. Why don't you just go out with your friends, grind on some unsuspecting stranger, have a few drinks, then go home to your loved one happy that you don't have to wade through the pool of commoners in a dark, sweaty club. You won't find love in this hopeless place.