C.R.E.A.M.

It has always been extremely hard for me to follow directions and take advice. I have the tendency to do things my way and do whatever I want. I had my heart set on teaching when I started college because that's what made me happy. Welp that didn't happen. I wanted to go to Howard and my father who's purse strings I was depending on refused to pay for Howard if I wanted to study education. He felt that I could go to UIC  or Chicago State which I had never even considered not even as safety schools. My heart had been set on Howard so I applied as a business major.

 Long story short my father did not keep his end of the bargain and I was stuck in a major I absolutely hated. It affected me mentally, physically, and my grades suffered. I supplemented my lack of education major by joining as many organizations involving early childhood education as possible. I volunteered and got jobs doing what I felt was my passion. I always got the side eye about business degree, but my passion outweighed the education. Eventually I graduated and got a job doing ECE even though my advisor referred me to every marketing job she could think of. Now in my current situation I wonder if I made the right choice.

I am not happy with my current work situation. When I first started it was great I was so excited to finally be doing what I wanted full time. After a few month though I maybe had a revelation and realized this was killing me. I couldn't stand my coworkers and my children started giving me migraines. My personality is even changing  I feel cynical and angry all the time.  I feel stuck because this job market is not the best and right now I have serious job security. The money is a big issue right now too. At first it was more than enough, but when those student loans and credit cards starting kicking in I was screwed. I've been looking for new jobs, but my frustration with my current situation is making me wonder if education was really what I wanted. I was happy in every other job I had, but this one has soured my feelings on children. I have the business degree and am beginning to wonder if that is really what I'm supposed to be doing. I have had interviews and offers outside for marketing position and then comes the inevitable question :"Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" I miss dressing up everyday like when I had marketing internships. I miss feeling challenged and not just having my patience tested. I'm over putting kids in time out and leaving work in tears from frustration and aggravation.

So now I have to decide what I really want. Do I still love children?  Is a new career worth the money? Will a change of setting bring me back to what I love? PGSD level 4